Gone and Mute

Chapter 12

The silence that fell was heavy, and goosebumps trailed up Lance's arms. He didn't like the way they were all looking at him. He quickly turned his head, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping someone would say something- anything- to break the silence. Even if it was them yelling at him. It was better than nothing.
    Instead, Shiro let his mouth shut, pulling his hanging jaw up from its fallen position, and turned on his heel, walking out of the hangers off to who knows where. Clearly he didn't care about Lance's part on the team, but that wasn't news to Lance. He'd come to expect such cold-shouldered behavior from the leader, Not that he liked it, no he hated it. But it had gone on so long- ever since they got Shiro back, really- that he learned to accept it.
The next to move was Pidge. Although she clearly hadn't been pleased by what Lance had said, she shifted from where Lance's hand was still on her shoulder, and he recoiled as if he'd touched dry ice. She glanced up at him, brows knotted together faintly in concern, before turning and setting a hand on Hunk's arm in an attempt to wake him up from his wide eyed state. Hunk let out a small noise- something akin to regret (although Lance wasn't sure why)- before turning and letting Pidge lead him out of the hangers.
Keith was still fuming, hands clenched at his sides, and he seemed torn between staying here with Lance, or going after Shiro to give him a lecture. When Allura made no move to do the latter, he turned to leave. He did, however, shoot Lance one last troubled look before hurrying down the hallways.
Lance watched them leave one by one before shifting his gaze to Allura. She looked back at him and for a moment Lance got lost in the abyss that was her eyes, before she spoke up.
"Lance, can we talk?" Her voice was soft, and not exactly what Lance had been expecting to hear from her, not at that moment. He was expecting her to be mad, angry that Lance was dumping this burden onto her. He hadn't expected... concern.
His gaze flickered over the ground a moment before he looked back up at her, and shrugged, which she took as an invitation to start talking.
"Lance, I... quiznacks I'm not sure how to start this..." She rubbed one of her arms, looking at the ground and frowning. He folded his arms and looked at the wall, eyes glazing over in thought.
"I'm worried about you, Lance."
He jerked and turned to look at her incredulously, which only made her frown deeper.
"I'm worried that... this whole situation is making you think less of yourself. And that... I don't know, it... scares me."
He let out a breathy chuckle. "You don't need to worry about me, Princess," he whispered as loudly as the pain in his throat would allow him. "I always think less of myself. This isn't anything new."
While his tone was meant to be joking, sarcastic even, he couldn't seem to get rid of the hint of seriousness in his voice, which made Allura look up at him with wide eyes.
"Lance, if you're dealing with insecurities-"
He waved her off, turning slightly so his back was angled towards her. "It doesn't matter." Despite the hushed volume of his voice, them being alone made it all too easy to hear him. "Anything I try and say, or do, isn't going to change how the team sees me, or what my position is." He took a slow breath. His chest was starting to get tight. Why...?
"I'm expendable, Allura. This whole thing proves it. I can be replaced as easily as I can die. It doesn't matter."
"But it does!" Allura grabbed his arm and he tried to pull away, but her grip was too strong. "Lance, I can't do this by myself. I can't be a Blue Paladin like you can. You're bonded with Blue-"
"No I'm not."
"Wh... what?"
Lance looked at her, and judging by her expression, there must've been tears in his eyes. He couldn't tell though. He could only feel the pain in his chest. "I can't feel my connection with Blue anymore," he explained quietly. "She's all completely yours now."
Allura paled and took a step back, pressing a hand to her stomach. "No I- Lance I can't be a Paladin forever."
He let out a short, wheezy laugh. "You won't. Someone'll die before that happens."
And with that, he was gone. Running down the halls with his hand pressed against his mouth and tears streaming down his cheeks. The pain in his chest had exploded and made everything feel numb. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to disappear and never have someone come looking for him.
Allura was left, shocked and pale in the hanger, until her legs gave out under her and she sat down on the ground, taking in all Lance had told her.
She wasn't sure what to do.
—
OOPS THIS HAS SPIRALED OUT OF MY CONTROL OHHHH WELL HOPE YOU ENOYED