Dead Apples

29- Final Decisions

The folder that Dex gave me causes a big stir in my brother's case. His lawyer has enough grounds to call for a mistrial, as Dex had said, and the hearing is today for the judge to decide what happens next. It happens quickly; once the lawyer got the files, the hearing was scheduled just a few days after. So two days after the bizarre night in my living room and then lunch with Amber, I am sitting in the courtroom waiting for the results.

I wanted to be in the room as they decided the fate of my brother's case, but they made it a closed hearing, only for the lawyers and my brother. I was too nervous to sit at home and wait for the outcome though, so I'm sitting in the hallway of the courthouse with Sage and Javier as all three of us wait for the hearing to be over.

"You shouldn't get your hopes up too high about this, Yaz," Sage informs me slowly as my knee is bouncing up and down. I'm so nervous about what might happen today that I can't stay still. It took Javier fifteen minutes to convince me to sit down and stop pacing the hallways of the courthouse. "Even if he gets a mistrial, what makes you think that he'd take a deal if they offer one?"

"Maybe he's come to his senses," I suggest with a small shrug. "I don't know. He could just get probation or something. He could come home. I know that it's really optimistic... probably even too optimistic, but that's what I want to happen."

"I know," She sighs.

"We should do something to get your mind off of this. They probably won't be done in there for hours," Javier suggests, gently putting his hand on my knee to get me to stop bouncing it. My other knee starts to bounce.

"Javi's right. Maybe it was a bad idea to come so early, you're just going to be stewing in this for a long time until this hearing is over," Sage backs him up. "I saw a frozen yogurt shop just a few blocks away that we could try."

"He doesn't deserve it," I say under my breath as tears are starting to well in my eyes and panic is starting to take over my body more than I had expected. I knew that I'd be nervous about today but I didn't think that I'd have a full on panic attack here in the hallway of the courthouse sitting on a stiff wooden bench squeaked between my best friend and my boyfriend.

"What?" Sage asks me, not clearly hearing what I had said.

"He doesn't deserve it," I repeat, louder this time with a tremble in my voice. "Robby. He doesn't deserve to get out of prison. He stabbed a man, Sage. He robbed that store, he drove a knife into that man's body. He is guilty. He doesn't deserve to get out of this without any consequences."

"He made a mistake, Yasmin," Javier tries to defend my brother, but I just shake my head at him.

"No. He did this. But I want him to come home. I feel like a monster, rooting for Robby to get out of any jailtime today. I know that he should pay for what he did, but I don't want him to."

"That doesn't make you a monster, Yaz," Sage is quick to promise me. "That just means that you love him. And of course you love him, he's your brother. He does terrible things and makes the worst mistakes, but he's still your brother. He's always there for you, and in a personal sense, he's really great. In the grand scheme of things, not so much."

"She's right. You're not a bad person for wanting him to get out of jail, it just means that you love your brother. You shouldn't feel guilty about that," Javier agrees with her.

"Even if he comes home, I'll never look at him the same way again," I slowly start to realize. Whenever I see him now, or even think of my brother, I don't think about what makes him my brother. I don't think about the times that he'd lift me into the air to reach the really high apples in our orchard when we were little. I don't think about how he's been my protector ever since I can remember. I think about that old man that I'd met in the hospital with a gash in his chest. I think about my brother cruelly shoving that blade into that man's chest and then running away.