The Coach's Daughter

Chapter 69

NOTE:

"Stazie I know I'm an asshole for doing this but please read the whole letter so you can understand better because I'm sure right now you're really confused and probably upset.

The first day I met you, you came to a game and I gave you that ball. I knew you weren't like all of those other girls. You changed me, you know? In more ways than I'd like to admit. I showed you the spot by the lake, I've never shown that to anyone before. When I kissed you for the first time and you told me not to do it unless I meant it. Baby you'll never know how much I meant it. I fucking love you so much. I knew the exact moment when I realized I loved you the first time. It was the morning after I showed up at that sushi place shitfaced, and you stayed the night on the couch. I know we didn't know each other long but you stayed and that meant something to me.

Then a little while later I showed you my artwork. I was honestly so terrified that day. It was another secret I was keeping to myself. When you met my family that was another time I was terrified. I didn't want you to see how bad things were, I was scared of you leaving. But you stayed once again.

As I'm writing about our history I can't help myself but to think about how much of an ass I was. I should've never treated you like that.

You don't deserve to be treated that way, you deserve so much better, someone who treats you like a queen everyday. You need someone who can be better than me. I knew this, but I'm so selfish I couldn't let you go.

When we broke up, I was torn apart. I felt like everything I did, didn't matter because you weren't there.

But then when we ran into each other after break, I knew I had to change for you. To be better, even though I still suck. I wanted things for you, for us, for me.

But sadly it seems we never get the timing right. When we were in New York I got a call. It was from the mariners. They offered me a spot for spring training. I didn't want to ruin our trip so I didn't tell you. I knew you could tell something was wrong. You would ask what happened and I would tell you nothing. I treated you like a dick again, and I'm really sorry. I just didn't know what to do. I texted back and forth with jack and I called your dad while I was at the gym. They both told me I should go. Your dad told me, that you would want me to go. But baby I was thinking about staying, with you. My head was a mess the whole time. I know you didn't think I was paying attention but I was. You're the only thing that made sense. I paid more attention to you then you even know.

Sorry I digress. I didn't want to leave you. I really didn't. The day before New Year's Eve I told them I'd go. I don't want you to be upset, I don't want you to feel bad about anything. Hell be mad at me. Just don't blame yourself, you're perfect.

This is so hard to write. I'm currently sitting at your desk with one of your medical books in my lap just watching how peaceful you sleep.

I have to leave in 5 minuets so I can't write as much as I wanted. Just know you're my world, I'm so sorry babe but I couldn't pass up this opportunity. Shit I'm crying now because my heart is already breaking and I haven't even left yet. I know you're going to be hurt but please don't do anything stupid. Please be safe. Please follow your dreams and never give up. If you feel like giving up just remember how we'd study together. One thing would always lead to another but we got the shit done. I'll never stop loving you. I gave you my heart and I can't ever get it back. If we ever meet again, for any reason whatsoever I hope things work out between us. Even if we're just friends or maybe we won't be? I guess only time will tell.

One last thing before I go. I'll never move on, I don't have it in me to love anybody else. I can't ask you to wait for me, because I don't know if we will ever see each other again. Just know that I love you, forever and always"