Merciless

Chapter 7, Part 2

Emi

"But what, sweetheart?"

"In the spirit of full disclosure," I say, dropping my gaze to a safe spot on the carpet. "I've thought all week about possible reasons why I have these particular desires, and what I came up with doesn't make me feel very powerful." I feel him tense up next to me and see his fists clench from the corner of my eye. Realizing my mistake, I place a hand on his arm and rush to add, "Nothing bad happened to me, Austin."

He visibly relaxes, his broad shoulders sagging, and he stretches his fingers. "I'm really fucking glad to hear that."

"It's just that I learned some things about myself and it made me realize other things."

"Like?"

"Like the way I reacted to what you did to me last week was—"

The cocky cowboy lopsided grin makes an appearance. "Mind-blowing? Life-changing?"

"I was going to say eye-opening, but sure, I'll stroke your ego."

Winking, he says, "Darlin', that ain't the only thing I want you to stroke."

I use my teacher brow-arch. "Do you want to hear this or not, Mr. Massey?"

"Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry." His charming, full-watt smile says he's not all that sorry, but who could care about anything with him looking like that? "It's not really my fault, though. I lose my focus when I'm around you."

"You don't lose your focus, Tex. It just shifts to all things naughty."

His gaze rakes over me, darkening. "Can't blame me for that, either, Emi. Have you seen you? Damn, girl." I sigh dramatically like I have no idea what to do with such an insufferable man, which is a total lie, because I have plenty of ideas of what I'd like to do to him. "Okay, okay, you're right. We're getting off track. Finish telling me the things you realized about yourself. I want to know."

One of the things I've noticed about Austin is he doesn't naturally speak with his accent. I'm assuming he lost it over the years after moving to Chicago as a teen. When he's being all flirty, it comes out in full force. But when he's not trying to charm the pants off me, he sounds almost as Midwestern as the rest of us. I can tell he's gotten serious again because his Texan drawl has disappeared.

"I was saying that I've always known that I wanted sex to be more than what I've experienced. I knew I wanted more passion, more of the fast and frenzied I talked about last week. But I never fully understood what that meant, and when I tried asking for something I did know I wanted, I was shut down.

"Then you took the time to understand me; you figured out what I needed and within minutes gave me the best orgasm of my life." When his mouth starts to quirk up on one side, I hold my hand up. "Hold your horses, cowboy, I'm not done."

He rolls his lips in to hide his grin and nods. "Keep going. I'll circle back around to that later."

Of that I have no doubt. "You taught me that I like things..."

"Rough." His voice comes out sounding like the word, and it sparks a flight of butterflies in my belly.

"Right," I say and force myself to go on. "But considering my sheltered upbringing and failed attempts in the past, I'm not entirely comfortable with expressing these things or being aggressive back. Which is why I think that what you like dovetails with what I've discovered I need."

Raising a hand to my face, he brushes his thumb lightly along my cheekbone. "And what is it you need, Emmélie?"

Softly, and for the first time, I give voice to the things that have been spinning around in my mind for days. "I need to be free of the shame I've felt for wanting the things I do. I need to feel like I don't have a choice—that you're going to do all those things to me because you want to, not because I want you to...even though I do. Does that make sense?"

Austin gathers me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. "It makes perfect sense, and I would be honored to be able to give those things to you."

Before I'm tempted to climb into his lap and forego the rest of the formalities, I kiss his neck and pull back. "What do I do now?"

For the next thirty minutes, I read the contract, and then we discuss what he calls hard and soft limits. Hard limits being things I absolutely do not want to do, and soft being the things that I'm not necessarily opposed to but would like extra consideration taken if we attempt them. He wrote everything we listed onto the contract so it's right there in black and white, with no room for misconstruing anything.

He also told me to pick a safe word—I chose Raven—and said I should use it if at any point I feel scared or just need him to check in on me. If for some reason I'm unable to speak, I can snap or grunt three times. When any of those methods are used, all play is stopped immediately, "no questions asked, and no judgment passed."

The more we talk things over, the more at ease I become. In the end, I'm glad he made us wait. Speaking frankly about what you do and do want during sex, complete with drafting and signing contracts, might sound like a huge mood-killer, but now when we do start getting hot and heavy, I won't have to be worried that he'll do something that scares or offends me. He's made me feel safe and protected, both legally and emotionally, and if I was free to do so, I think I could eventually fall for Austin Massey.

That reminds me...

"I only have one more question," I say, nervously biting my lower lip.

"Shoot."

"What are you looking to get out of our time together?"

Intelligent green eyes study me for what seems like forever before he answers. "I'm only looking for as much as you're willing to give, Emi. Nothing more. Maybe I should ask you what that is."

I shrug. Not because I'm unsure of what I'm willing—or rather, able—to give, but because I'm trying to pass it off as no big deal. "I'm not looking for anything serious or long term. I'd like us to have fun with each other, no strings and no commitments. Is that okay?"

For a split second he narrows his gaze at me, and I'm afraid he's somehow seen inside my mind and knows all my secrets. But then he gives me that heart-stopping smile, and my concern melts away like snow under a blowtorch. "Darlin', you just described most every man's dream relationship."

I take a generous sip of my wine and force it around the lump in my throat. "Great," I say with feigned enthusiasm. It is great because I won't be able to date like this in a few months. Now—if by some chance this manages to last that long—I don't have to worry about things ending badly between us. Have your fun now, Emi. These memories need to last you a lifetime. "What happens now?"

"Do you want to give me a scenario or do you want to leave that to me?"

"Definitely leave it to you, at least for now."

He nods. "Then do you want me to walk you through everything that's going to happen? Or would you prefer to only know the set-up and trust me for the rest?"

I think about it for a few seconds. I think knowing everything will take away from the experience. With all that we've discussed tonight, I really do trust him to honor my limits and pay attention to my cues. "Just the set-up."

Austin rises and holds his hand out to me. "Then come with me."    

This concludes the preview of MERCILESS, book 3 in the Playboys in Love series. I hope you loved it enough to grab a copy for yourself! Merciless will be available in KU for the first 3 months and then will be available at all major retailers after that. Thank you for reading!

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