The Broken Benefactor

~5~ (2nd HARD EDIT 01/12/2020)

(ETHAN)

"How have you been sleeping?" Dr. Bandel questioned as she focused her attention on her notepad.

          "Nothing's changed. I keep falling into the same nightmare pretty much the moment my head hits the pillow. Sometimes it's hard for me to sleep because I already know what's waiting for me." Ethan closed his eyes and rubbed them as if the action alone would help him disappear.

          Talking to his counselor never changed a thing. It only served to remind him of what was lost. The doctor's words didn't move a needle when it came to the stability of his mind. Watching her jot down this or that only served to piss him off for a reason he couldn't quite explain.

          Because she was a professional, he tried to listen to her. It wasn't like she was providing him with unsound advice or anything, but it was hard to see her words as more than just jibberish. Honestly, he was simply tired of hearing her voice.

          "Do you need a sleep aid?" The question was pretty standard. She always made the offer and he always declined.

          Ethan was already prescribed high powered painkillers. He wasn't worried about hurting himself with the alcohol and pill cocktail that was regularly used to deaden his pain. Sleeping pills and alcohol would never become a part of his life. Everything irritated the hell out of him, but he wasn't trying to accidentally kill himself.

          "Doc, I don't need anything. I just need to know why I have to attend these stupid sessions. They aren't changing anything." He blurted out. Impatience grew by the second due to the small nagging pain that pricked his leg. As it grew, a knawing started to consume his nerves. Ethan was at his wit's end. He was ready to go.

          "I can't force you to attend these sessions. But you know this is a required part of your assessment for fitness to return to work. If you want to end this, I won't stop you. However, I highly suggest you use this time to deal with any of the bigger issues currently affecting your life." Dr. Bandel offered. They spoke for a few minutes more and once the session was over, she directed him to her receptionist to schedule his next appointment.

*****
(VALERIE)

          A day filled with doctors left him exhausted. As Ethan relished the thought of his bed welcoming him home, it presented him with a temporary sense of relief just before needles engaged in a race along the nerves in his leg and rode rampantly up the nerve highways of his back. The anger and aggression of the pain were so intense it made him double over.

          "Stop... stop. Please!" The tenor of his words was uncommon as he cried out frantically. Soon as the van came to a stop, Ethan's door flew open as he leaned out and violently expelled the contents of his stomach. Excruciating torture he hadn't wrestled in months manhandled his body and left him weakened.

          "Ethan, tell me what's going on. How can I help you?" Valeria asked concern embedded in a steady tone he'd come to rely on.

          "I really need to get home and get my pain meds. It feels like a knife is slicing through me." His deep voice shuddered as he grabbed a bottle of water and rinsed his mouth out. Just before closing the door, he spat the water on the ground one last time and leaned back to rest his head against the passenger seat. His skin took on a clammy gray pallor.

          Sweat beaded on his brows and mouth. His lips thinned under the pressure he exerted on them as his face warned that he was at a dangerous place in his level of pain.

          Because they were only a few minutes from his house, she was grateful for the relief associated with the fact that the ordeal would soon be over.