What We Talk About When We Talk About Growing Up
"Was I anxious to grow up?" She laughs. "You bet." While she's usually high-pitched and sharp-tongued, her voice is now round at the corners like a piece of wood sanded down. In front of us, two kids kick around a soccer ball while their parents watch.
She takes a swig from her water bottle and wipes the sweat from her forehead with a sleeve. Her nose scrunches up into little wad. Then she stretches out her fingers and legs.
It's the sky that catches her attention for a little while - a blank white canvas it seems - before she continues. Her eyes are twinkling. "Were you?"
"Maybe," I say, "but not really, I just had too much time on my hands when I was a kid. You see, sports didn't really interest me and I felt video games would create in me a false understanding of the world. So I just drew pictures. Many of them. As if those wouldn't give me a distorted interpretation of reality. But regardless, eventually it grew tedious. I figured being an adult would be so much better. There would be many places I could go and things I would have to do."
"Like what, pay the bills and go out binge drinking?"
I smile at her. "I wanted to go to Europe. Sit and walk where Ezra Pound, Hemingway, Picasso, Joyce all sat and walked."
"Yet you haven't been all this time."
"Because I had to pay the bills and go out binge drinking."
She chuckles. "On the other hand, I just wanted to leave my past behind, it didn't matter where I went. I just didn't like my classmates. I didn't fit in with them and had to wear a smile all the time. Don't get me wrong, I spent a lot of time with them so I was never bored but I longed to just throw a little tantrum, stomp on their feet and tell them I could see right through them."
I pick at the grass at my feet. The family up ahead is now sitting down on a plaid blanket, for what appears to be lunch. "So did you find a better crowd?"
"I found worse crowds - fascists, anarchists, capitalists, Shinrikyo cultists, shady politicians, bar hostesses, NEETs and NHK collectors - while paying the bills and going out binge drinking."
I laugh. "Let's finish our jog before it rains."
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