Echo of the Past

02. Marcin | Prologue - part two

Translator: Schiotka
Editor: Pasadera, JacquelineMonaie

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A few months ago I thought it was just karma.

You know, the unfinished business you never did get back to, or those things you simply fucked up, that are coming for payback. Sometimes even with a vengeance.

Today, for example: I killed a spider. There I am brushing my teeth, and he's just walking around in the sink. I like spiders because they're useful, but I can't help myself. I can't resist the urge to flush him down together with my toothpaste spittle.

So what do you think happened next?

I don't even have time to enjoy the feeling before the payback hits.

I burn my finger with boiling water while making myself a brew. I have blisters.

Huge ones that hurt like a mother.

This too is karma. Or innate clumsiness.

But I'm talking about something bigger. My real karma came back for me recently with a double vengeance. After many long years.

Well, at first I thought my karma had shrunk somewhat, because it was always half a head taller than me. It took me a while to realize it was me who had grown. A lot.

My karma has wider shoulders than I remember, and the carrot-orange hair is gone too. I admit, yes, at first I didn't recognize my karma. Or maybe I simply didn't expect its presence...

...

My karma's name is Nivan.

And he is the main part of my secret.

Hmph...

Why can't I have a secret about some superpower that I might possess? You know, that I'm an undercover superhero saving the world? Now that would be the life. But unfortunately, I wasn't bitten by a radioactive spider, I'm not a mutant, and my parents didn't die in front of me.

But I do have this secret.

A pathetic one, like the dreams I have of being a superhero.

If the secret was good enough for an action flick, I'd share it and make millions. Or even play the lead role, become famous and make more millions.

But of course, nothing is that simple. My secret is only good enough for a cheap romance novel.

The main role stars a fag with huge problems.

Badum tsss.

Hey, have you ever had a secret, which felt to you like the biggest burden in the world, but was in fact awfully small? Mine was just like that. But... hm. I think I'm in this situation because I didn't reveal it at the right time, so it grew. And now, it not only carries consequences, but it spoils a lot of good things. It has just... become big. Too big. Suffocating.

And that is my problem.

I am suffocating under its weight. I am suffocating in the smoke of all the cigarettes I've burned through today.

Why am I boring you with all this?

Because I made a decision. [There should be fanfare here]

Because yesterday...

Yesterday I had a fight with the Redhead.

With Nivan.

Sometimes karma does strange things to us. For example, you find yourself suddenly living with someone against whom you carry a massive grudge. And then you're surprised you can't stop yourself from constantly throwing knives at his back.

And that's probably what we were arguing about. Well, definitely.

It was bad.

Afterwards I was scared I'd gone too far, that I'd broken the feeble thread strung between us in a way that could never be repaired. Especially after I saw Firyal*, our flatmate's, face. She went out into the hallway, afraid we would kill each other. She didn't interrupt; didn't say a word. And yet I felt, watching her, how hurt she was that we were arguing.

I felt stupid.

The Redhead is a malicious creature in general; I know that below the surface he's dangerous. But it's hard to upset him, to shake him from his balanced, external composure. So yesterday I really overdid it.

I know well that I don't have control over the situation anymore. I feel like I'm being ripped apart from the inside. I'm suffocating with things I want to shout straight into his face but can't. I want him to stop looking at me like I'm some lunatic. I want him to know that there is a fucking reason for it all.

Thirty minutes. In half an hour he'll be home and I'll tell him everything.

If these damned thoughts don't kill me first.

I told you, I made a decision.

That today is going to be a day without secrets.

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*Firyal – Owner of the flat. Marcin and Nivan rent the two spare rooms.