System Reboot (Sequel to System Failure)

Chapter 10

Alesa's POV
I knew that I shouldn't be here.

I knew it as I lay fully awake in my bed late at night, I knew it when I took a bus from my apartment to the street just down from the Glitch base, I knew it as I rode the elevator up and I definitely knew it as I stood in front of the heavy door that Adam was locked behind.

But I couldn't just leave. All day, the thought that we might not be able to save Adam had been flying around my head, making it nearly impossible to focus as Ty and I hunted our daily quota of viruses. Some part of me - maybe the irrational and illogical part, maybe the trusting and sensible part - believed that Adam's hesitations whenever he went to attack me actually meant something. That I wasn't just making it all up, just seeing what I wanted to see. That he could be saved.

I put my hands on the spokes of the door lock, asking myself what the logic was behind this. Adam had already proved a hundred times over that he didn't remember any of us. I mean, if he didn't remember Ty, his best friend for who knows how many years, then why would he remember me? Someone whom he had known for close to a week before he was killed? What was the point in trying to talk some sense into him?

And anyway, if I unlocked this door and I was wrong, then I could be killed and he would run free from the base and into the city, and we'd lose our chance to help him.

I knew it was stupid. But I unlocked the door anyway.

I pushed it open only the barest amount before looking through. I saw Adam scrambling up to stand, eyes narrowed at the door, fist clenched. His frown deepened when he saw me and his fists loosened as he silently watched me step in and close the door behind me.

"What do you want?" he asked. There was a thinly veiled sneer in his voice, but his expression was impassive, more or less.

"To talk," I said, putting my hands behind my back, trying to act as calm as I could with my heart pumping rapidly in my chest.

This time, he did sneer. "Well I don't want to talk, so I guess you'll have to leave."

"I guess I'll have to talk to you then," I shot back.

He looked me over, taking in my lack of a Glitch coat and stance. "No weapons?"

"I'm not going to attack you."

Adam tilted his head, his sneer gone, seeming confused or curious as he frowned a little at me. "Why?" he asked after a few moments.

"Because I knew you before you became a virus," I said, my voice automatically becoming gentle. "And you know me. That's why you won't attack me."

He scoffed and looked away. "You just got lucky," he muttered, starting to pace around the walls of the room.

"Look at me in the eyes and tell me that."

He stopped and looked at me, mouth open to repeat himself. But he hesitated as I stared at him, waiting, watching. He looked away with a huff and kept pacing. I watched him, turning a little in place as he went around. Letting go of a breath, I slowly sat down on the cold floor, crossing my legs.

"Will you sit and talk with me?" I asked again, gently.

He glanced at me, then rolled his eyes with a smirk. "You're a Glitch. I'm a virus. We don't 'talk'," he said, doing air quotations around the last word. "So sorry, but no."

"You can't really feel that."

Adam glanced at me again with a raised eyebrow. "Viruses don't have emotions," he said flatly. "So I can't feel anything."

"Then why do I see you showing emotions all the time?" I asked. "When you nearly attacked me yesterday with my chain, you felt guilty, I saw it. And the other times, you've seemed surprised or horrified that you went to attack me. You can't really believe that... that all you are is a virus."

He leaned against the wall I was facing, arms crossed on his chest and looking at me with an amused expression. "So what else am I supposed to be then?"

"A Glitch?" I said hesitantly. "My boyfriend?" I saw him frown at me and I quickly added "We never really made it uhh... official I guess, but... you took me out on a date. And you defended me when your friends went to kill me so..."

His expression was impassive now. He stared at me, one eye the warm brown I remembered, the other the deep coded green of a virus. "I was never a Glitch," he said finally.

"You were, you were just rebooted as a virus-"

"I was never a Glitch," he snarled, stepping off the wall towards me. "I would never believe what you believe, and I would never protect the twisted world you are trying to preserve."

I stayed where I was, refusing to look away from his anger-filled eyes while trying not to give in to the sadness I felt inside. "Are you telling me that none of this looks familiar?" I asked quietly. "None of this base, none of us?"

"None of it."

My eyes dropped from his and I released a heavy sigh, propping up my head on my knees. Why was I even here? I had known that I wouldn't be able to change him just by talking to him but I just wanted a sliver, a shred, a hint of proof that the Adam I knew still existed. That I wasn't just recklessly hoping for something that was never going to happen. That the person who cared enough to give his life for mine was still alive.

"You've got to be in there somewhere Adam," I whispered, my voice breaking.

There was silence for a moment. Then;

"You were wrong."

The words were so low, quiet and sharp and said with so little remorse that as soon as I heard them, something inside me snapped and fizzled and hot tears started to run down my cheeks before I could even think about stopping them. The despair that had filled me ever since I had first seen Adam as a virus all came crashing down on me at once, bringing with it the hopelessness and pain and all I could do was let them course through my blood, letting the tears run and just sitting in the sorrow.

"Are you okay?" I dimly heard Adam's voice ask from somewhere near me. I couldn't answer any more than a little shake of my head, starting to hiccup. I tried to mentally start picking up the pieces of my emotions but it felt like they kept shaking apart, bringing with it a new wave of sobs so I gave up.

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I turned my head just enough to peer out of my arms. Through the blurred tears, I could see Adam's legs and shoes right beside me. The hand didn't move and it warmed my shoulder, helping me to collect the shattered pieces of myself. I wiped my face on the sleeve of the long shirt I wore and shakily stood. Another hand reached out and steadied my arm when I stumbled a little and I looked up at Adam, too lost in despair to hope but he let go just as quick as he had reacted, taking a step away. He looked at me as if he was wary, but didn't really know what to think.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, looking down and wiping my eyes again.

He didn't reply.

We stood there, facing each other. I didn't want to look at his face and risk breaking down again, but I couldn't bring myself to leave either. He had to be in there somewhere, behind the hate and emotionless of the virus code. He had to be.

He didn't say anything, he didn't move, and finally, I had to leave. My feet dragged on the floor as I pushed open the door and left, glancing back one final time. He still hadn't moved, staring at the floor just beyond where I had been standing, like a perfect statue. I closed the door silently, turning the handle to lock it, then leaned my head against the cold metal.

It took so much effort to get back home.