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BATTLE 3- THE LETTER

This chapter is unedited on request..

This is an open letter, something I used as a coping mechanism.
I just copy pasted it from my samsung notes, as editing it didn't feel right.

I know it might sound lame, but I felt writing it out lot better than bottling it up.

I don't know whether it's cheesy, shit or what not. This was written by a broke girl in her worst state, so kindly please don't judge the grammar, or what ever shit I have put forward.

It's a lot of short forms, but I hope you can put up with it.

Draft- 1
I miss u.. miss the real u.. miss the real us. The one whr i only smiled wn i thought about u.. the one whr i wanted to smack ur head coz of ur lame jokes.. the one whr i was confident even after u dint hold my hand.. coz i was sure.. u r gonna b thr.. the one wr i cud always say.. i miss u widout hesitation... the one whr i was happy even after evrything was messed up.. coz u wr thr.. the one whr u wr my shield 4m evrything in the world.. coz i knew ur one hug cud solve evrythng for me..

I wanna go back in time.. coz if back tn i knew.. everything was going to fuck up.. and if i knew that day was the last day b4 nothing was going to b same.. i would hv lived every single second like eternity. I would hv held ur hand more tightly b4 i let go.. i would hv hugged u tighter.. b4 pulling away.. i would hv held uh close.. b4 walking away..

Its not easy.. no matter how much i say.. its not.. i th8 being angry at uh was the hardest thing i cud ever do.. coz i nvr th8 at the time i had to ever let go or walk away..

But now when i do.. being angry seems much more easier n simpler... anger goes away, it's not the end.. it builts a relation. But the fact that i hv to let go... its not easy as i th8 it wud b.. i m tired.. tired of saying n behaving that i hv fallen used to it whilst everyday i wish.... to meet the guy i met 1 year 1 month 15 days ago..

I have fallen used to people leaving or the wound. may b.. but this time.. its not wound.. its a scar.. scars dont heal. Thy leave a mark.. forever.. a mark that reminisces the entire story all over again.. it hurts.. it hurts.. it hurts more than i ever thought..

I wish i could go back to that day and never put forward the proposal of friendship. Not coz i regret being friends wid u. Hell no.. u r the best thing that ever happened to me... but coz i am not able to let go..

I can't chose.... which is easy.. walking away or letting u go. Everything feels like crumbling again... juz like it did 3 years ago.. everything is falling apart and i really dk.. who to hold on anymore.

I wish.. i really wish u werent my weakness.. but now that u r.. idk wt to do anymore..

Draft-2

Some nights... i get the urge to hug u.. juz hug u for no rsn and ask.. will v ever b the same again..

Sme nights i lugh, thinking can anyone's friendship b as beautiful as ours. Other nights i wish, what if our frndship had an alternate ending... tbh if i was given an ink to write our story, may b there wud b no ending at all. Every chapter wud end with to be continued, coz i had nvr thought abt an ending wid u..

Smtyms i qsn... y was it so easy to not care anymore.. y was it easy to let go... y was it easy to forget me.. why wasnt i good enuf.. tn i motivate myself.. i may not b good enuf for uh... but someday... may be... i will b gud enuf for smeone..

But i do wish... i did wish.. that may b.. v did work out.. dat may b things... wouldn't b so bad.. dat idk... how to put it into words..