The Quarantine Diary of Adam Garrett [mxm]

Day 13

Hi, Adam.

You're making lunch—grilled cheese with homemade tomato soup from my Momma's recipe, mmm—and I'm reading this book. I'm keeping an eye on you because I don't want you to see me writing in here. Would you care? Hopefully not. But I hope it can be a nice surprise for you.

Reading out a detailed chronicle of how you and me happened from your point of view is quite something. You remind me of a rabbit. You're ready to bolt at any second. It was hard not to laugh, reading your adorably neurotic overthinking about some of my actions when, in my view, they were so blatantly obvious right from the beginning.

I mean, I was learning magic for you. Literally performing to impress you. I was making excuses to touch you all the time—I genuinely felt horrible about opening the bathroom door smack into your ankle, but do you think I really needed to hold your leg in my lap every night? I was also touching you all the time when we made food, and dude... putting that cutting board in your lap and kneading the bread with you? That was so obvious it's embarrassing to remember. I'm glad you noticed I left the door open after the haircut, though.

And that hug, after my grandma died. No matter what way you slice it, that was more than just a comfort hug. That was a putting-my-heart-back-together hug. That was a change-my-life hug. I know, now, that you felt it, too.

It seems, to me, like your feelings toward me evolved over this time. For me, as soon as Giselle said her cousin had a spare room and maybe he would rent it to me, I hopped on Facebook to look you up and immediately had a crush. So I knew you were gay from the start—your Pride pics gave you away. Yes, I know straight guys can go to Pride, but they don't tend to go in speedos with rainbow full-body paint, do they? But you don't seem to have had a clue about me until you saw my two of hearts. Pretty wild to go from that moment of "holy shit, this dude wants to kiss me?!" to all-out making out with me.

I don't think I could've been more obvious while still maintaining my veil of seductive plausible deniability, but in reading what you've been thinking over the past couple weeks, I think something was keeping you from seeing what was right in front of you. You seemed to be in denial that I could like you. It seems like something happened to you in the past and I don't know what that is yet, but I want you to know that you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. If people have treated you bad that's on them, not on you. You are not unlovable. You deserve to be loved.

So let me tell you right now: I'm crazy about you. I want to love you. You can trust me on that, and if you don't, I'll wait until you do. I'm not going anywhere.

This was a crazy couple of weeks. I think going forward, we're going to be really glad to have this record. I'm so happy you were writing it all down. This feels like a fairy tale. Love in the Time of Coronavirus.

You know what tomorrow is, right? It's Day 14 of our quarantine. That means we can leave. I want to take you on a walk outside, feel the wind on our faces, and kiss under some trees or something.