GOLDEN || S. REID

𝟸𝟶: 𝚂𝚊𝚗 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘, 𝙲𝙰

It all seemed like a terrible nightmare and when Eliza woke up, it felt just like that. Aside from the throbbing pain in her side and her inability to conceptualize what's happened, Eliza would have thought that the past twenty-four hours were a nightmare.

They had airlifted her back into San Francisco overnight and somehow had been released back into civilization without being able to consult her doctor beforehand. But Eliza didn't want to be here, she wanted to be home. The only problem was, she didn't exactly know where home was anymore.

She sat up in bed, back pressed against the headboard as she strained her ears. She still couldn't hear much, that was one part of the nightmare she would have to keep with her for the rest of her life, she supposed. The regret of taking the birds song for granted washed over her as melancholy grabbed her and dragged her further into her duvet.

Eliza stayed like that until morning, not daring to close her eyes again. Whenever she did, she saw the faces of those she'd killed, inadvertently or not. Meredith was at the forefront of it all, the knife still protruding from her still heaving body as she cursed Eliza's name as she died. There was her father, taunting her for her life's failures before he launched at her, disappearing with the resounding echo of the gun.

And there was her mother, and her siblings, all standing around her blaming her for everything that had transpired. Was that why they had sent her away? Was it because every single heartbreak the Hamilton family had suffered was because of her? She would give anything to be back in New York with her siblings instead of here, seemingly alone.

As the sun crept over the estate, washing the grassy fields in front of it, Eliza found herself unable to move. Would it all be worth it in the end... with her siblings hating her and no one to care for her? Would it be better if she were just gone, and all the heartbreak with her?

Two knocks came at her door before it opened, revealing Julia with her breakfast. The former assistant smiled softly, closing the door behind her with her foot before she approached. She settled the tray on her lap and Eliza looked down at the foot with disinterest. It wasn't that she wasn't thankful for the food, because she was. She just couldn't find it in herself to want to eat. Everything just looked wholly unappealing to her.

How are you feeling? Julia signed sloppily. Eliza could still understand what she was trying to convey, however. Dr. Reid told us you might have some hearing loss.

"I'm fine," Eliza managed, her throat feeling scratchy now that it wasn't lubricated with her tears. "Where are the twins?"

They stayed in New York, Julia explained, still stumbling over her words. Eliza just inferred what she was trying to say, which wasn't terribly difficult for her. They thought you would have done better there but I decided to bring you home.

There was that word again, home. If Eliza didn't know what, or where it was before, she definitely didn't know where it was now. Hearing, or rather seeing Julia describe this place as home just didn't feel right. It didn't sit right in her stomach and only made her unease grow.

"Can I be left alone?" Eliza asked, not bothering to meet her eye. She felt Julia shift on the bed, her hand coming up to squeeze her own before disappearing. The absence of her wedding rings resonated through Eliza deeply, the knowledge that Julia was most likely doing things out of obligation or self-preservation at this point hurt her.

One Month Later

Hi again, Eliza wrote, pressing the tip of her pen harshly into the paper.

It's been a month since I'd last seen Julia, or actually, anyone really. My last entry was left off rushed, I don't actually remember much from that night. It comes back to me in flashes, mostly. I guess I should be thankful that I'm saved most of the gory details but unknowingly has only made me more anxious.

But speaking of not knowing, I have a bit of a confession. I had hid some things from you. I couldn't write everything here, no matter what my therapist thinks. Some things just don't make for a good story and even if this is just a diary, spilling all my secrets in one place wouldn't do me any good. That way, I get to keep some things for myself.

Now, I might have incorrectly portrayed some people. My brother James, for one. He comes off as more of an asshole because I'm still mad at him and Riley might seem, at times, childish because he was and will always be my baby brother. The same goes for Noah, but she had to grow up faster than any of us did. She wasn't allowed her childhood, well, none of us really were.

And Julia, my best friend? Or rather, my only friend, I should say. Yeah, that was the downfall of not revealing all my cards. The second she took over, she picked up on a few tricks from me and, unfortunately for her, James found out about her underhanded dealings. Thank God for company failsafes. I still can't believe that I trusted her.

Anyways, I guess this is the end. I'll probably start another journal because my therapist was right, writing down everything really has helped. Maybe someday I'll be able to read these words back and not have a panic attack but right now, this is okay. I'll be okay.

Signed, Eliza.

Author's Note

i usually don't like putting a/n's but the amount of comments of confusion warranted this. 

Julia turned out to be an underhanded bitch, meaning she pretended to be eliza's friend in order to gain control of the company. in reality, julia is a manipulative person that took advantage of eliza while she was in a vulnerable state. this also includes a mini james redemption arc, hinting that he was the one to find out the corporate evil shit that julia was up to. i didn't go into full detail because it wasn't relevant to eliza's healing journey.

i hope that answers most questions, feel free to dm me either here or on twitter (handle in my bio) if you still have confusions :)

anna