The Summer at Camazotz

Twenty-Two

That night, we text until my eyes burn and my body begs for sleep.

After the little stunt he pulled at dinner, I avoided him like the plague, not wanting to talk about what he said and the way it made me feel. But later, as I lay in bed, my phone lit up with a message from Jordan and I couldn't resist checking it.

That was two hours ago.

It's now well after midnight and I am way too tired for safe messaging. I'm very aware that things sometimes come out late at night when defences are down and the world stills and feels safe. I know I need to say goodnight so that I'm not falling over due to lack of sleep the following day, but talking to Jordan is like a drug. I'm hanging onto his every word and when I try to stop, I get sucked back in again.

God, I'm a mess.

My screen lights up with a new message and I scrambleㅡa tad bit patheticallyㅡto open it.

Jordan
What if u snuck over
We've already had practice
Might not almost get caught this time

I roll my eyes at his text and ignore the familiar butterflies resuming residence in my stomach.

Carter
I already got scolded for tackling u
Probably shouldn't try any other kind
of tackling tonight

Hitting send, the butterflies double at the meaning behind my words. Texting should make me less nervous, knowing Jordan can't see me when I freeze up. Instead, it actually kind of makes me more nervous. At any time he can stop answering and I'll be left to wonder if I said something wrong.

I snuggle deeper into my covers and watch as the bubble of dots pop up and he types out a response. My eyes slowly shut as I wait, only shooting open when the phone buzzes in my hand.

Jordan
So you do want to! I knew it ;)
And I bet ur falling asleep right now

Carter
I might be

Jordan
Then go to sleep, I'll see u in
the morning :)

The smiley face at the end of his message makes me smile and I let out a content sigh.

Carter
How nice of you

Jordan
Boyfriend material, as always
Goodnight, Carter

I type out a goodnight message and hit send. In my sleepy state, I barely register the word he used in his text. Boyfriend. The word stares back at me and then I gasp. Did he mean to send that? Does he think we're boyfriends? Are we? If we aren't, what have we been doing the past week?

Questions swirl around in my head as I lie in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. Boyfriend. Do I really have one? Is that Jordan's way of making it official?

And then I frown. Is he really solidifying a relationship over text? A text doesn't make something real. I hardly think a relationship started over text is bound to end well. Maybe he's just messing around again. Maybe I'm just overthinking and overanalyzing as per usual.

Before I fall asleep, the last thing that flashes behind my eyelids is Jordan's message, bold and enlarged.

When I wake up the next morning, his text is the first thing that comes to mind.

☼ ☼ ☼

Avoiding confrontation is easy at camp when there's always something to do and someone is always lurking around. Which is why bringing up last night's text conversation is so easy to not do.