ʰᵃᵖᵖʸ🌙

visiting again since I missed your anniversary love, it's been so long

In loving memory of Aaliyah / @hoperadio
          4th March 2003 — 6th June 2021

I think I kinda have changed after that something horrible but anyway, I love you 
          
          I will protect those who are struggling like you did.
          
          people like you are truly strong. 
          
          but you know you weren’t just struggling, you were fighting and that alone makes you strong. I don’t like using the word “struggling” so I’ll say fight 
          
          I miss you so much, al
          

I was looking through out chats in disc since 2020. I have a bad habit of not listening and I believe I didn’t listen carefully or enough to you that’s why you couldn’t tell me what was really going on
          
          I will work on my listening and talk less. I will

I don’t say a lot of things and honestly one of them is the fact I did something horrible and that something horrible because a reality—but that something horrible may have been a blessing and a lesson in disguise. wait for me al, I will reach you soon and when I do, I will mention you 
          
          
          it’s because of you why I’m still alive. I see god in you and that alone is not mistaken or even a subtle error. Aaliyah, it took me a long time to realize and to actually commit—but now I’m all in even though at the moment I need to rest 
          
          
          you’re right, you’ve always been right. I’m too hard on myself and should give myself more credit and that it’s okay to rest but to never to never stay on the ground for too long because we have wings 
          
          and wings are meant to fly 

There's so many things that I would love to tell you. So many stories and so many changes, about so many mistakes and tragedies, a lot of good things and bad things. Life has changed so drastically and I want to tell you about all the adventures. I think you would enjoy listening. My heart aches a bit but it'll be alright I think. It took me so long to make my way here and write something, sorry. I love you.

It's been a while hasn't it? Like a caffeine addicted person I keep thinking of when I'd get my shot of sarcasm, existentialism and love in the form of metaphors. 
          I miss our talks. I miss you dropping in and asking to keep you company. I miss seeking you out when I've felt overwhelmed with my studies and patients. 
          I miss our youre-stupid-let-me-educate you sessions. 
          I miss color coding how our days feel. 
          It's a paradox where I feel I'm still stuck in time with you and reality keeps pulling me forward. 
          I love you. I miss you. 
          My day has been a yellow. 
          It would've been pink if you were still here with me. 
          Always in my thoughts. 
          Let's dream together, my firefly. 

so i don't know you and we've never spoken before. but I've actually known you for three years now because someone i know ysed to know you. and from then on there are times when i think about you here and there, but I've never said anything. it's probably because we never knew each other. but today as i was reading these messages i realised how crazy it is that i actually do know you and there's a part of you that lives in my mind. I've cone here so many times i can't even remember it, but today is the first time i thought about writing it to you. my words are all over the place but all I'm trying to say is it's really beautiful how you exist in each one of us' thought, even me who never knew you. so i hope you're doing fine up there, or wherever you are. and i hope there's some medium through which you can see the messages of your loved ones. some of them come back here so frequently i almost teared up. it is so lovely, and it is kinda crazy to me how it's been ao long. i got to know about you back in june 3 years ago, it's really been a long time. i hope you're happy and in peace <3

Hey almond, my dearest almond ♥︎
          Belated happy birthday. Belated eid mubarak. Been 3 years already. I am safely keeping and guarding all our memories inside this heart. May Allah grant you jannat, my love. May you only receive the best from Allah. Ameen. 

Eid Mubarak darling ♡