Buttered Popcorn

Chapter 16.5: May 24, 1987

Needing time away from Mötley's chaotic foolishness on their bus, Jimmie decided to sacrifice a night of rambunctious partying and stay in Duff's bunk while he slept on the couch. She insisted he keep his bed, but he chivalrously countered, saying he was much too tall for the bunk anyway and that the couch would give him more room.

To no surprise, the bunks were extremely uncomfortable and small. She tossed and turned while staring at the curtain that closed her off from the rest of the band, Slash's limp arm dangling from his bunk above hers. She could hear Duff's small groans from the couch and Slash's snores while she tried her best to fall into anything close to slumber. Just as she was about to doze off, she heard a small squeak in the floorboards.

Jimmie didn't think anything of it, but it did remind her that she needed to use the restroom. Debating for a few minutes whether or not to go and risk disturbing the band, she began making her way to the back of the bus. A warm yellow light glowed from under the door, but she assumed one of the boys had left it on. Through her tired and sleep-deprived daze, she creaked the door open and gently shut it behind her.

The clatter of plastic and metal against the porcelain sink make her heart drop as she spun around. Her hazel eyes were met with cloudy blue ones, those belonging to a guilty Steven. Though she longed to yell at him and cry, she couldn't help but stare at the tourniquet around his biceps and the needle that was threatening to inch into his vein, paired with the multiple other scabbed-over track marks lining his forearm.

"What..." she trailed off, deeply disturbed by the plethora of drugs he could possibly be using. It shook Jimmie to no end, how someone as innocent and joyful as Steven could be using such violent substances. "Steven.."

His name flowing from between her lips made his heart ache- she shouldn't be seeing him like this. Like the pathetic loser he found himself to be each day as he stared back at himself in the mirror every morning.

He swallowed the thick lump in this throat and tugged off the secured belt from his arm and stared back at her with anticipation of what would happen next. In the small and compact bathroom, there was a mere few breaths between the two, and not much room to spare. She took a few moments to determine what she could say, or what she needed to say. Jimmie's voice came out soft and weak, "Why would you do this to yourself?"

He softly shook his head and averted his eyes down to the tiled floor, "I.. I don't know." She almost grew angry at the vague response, but contained her fury as it was masked by confusion and concern, "Yes you do. Tell me why, Steven. Why would you hurt yourself like this?" He bit the inside of his cheek and tried his best to keep the tears from falling.

No one had asked him something like that.

Ever.

"I- I needed a distraction. It's hard seeing you with Axl and Izzy and them, and you hating me. I'm the only one left out from being with the person I care for the most, and they don't even-" "You don't get to act like the victim, here. You chea-" Jimmie had to stop herself from accusing him of something he didn't do.

Cheat.

She gently cleared her throat and leveled out her voice, "You had sex with.. You.. I can't believe this." Her mind was racking for some sort of phrase to really portray how much he'd hurt her, but they were never dating. Never together. Never even a couple.

Technically, he did nothing wrong.

"We kissed before you left on tour, did that mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?" Jimmie's words hurt Steven like no other. He really did care, but he couldn't seem to say it, "I- I thought you didn't care. I saw you with Tommy and Nikki the other night, talking about how.. sore you were and all that. I'm not stupid, Jimmie, I know what you guys did."

Her eyebrows furrowed deeply and she stepped back as much as she could to put as much space between them as possible, "Wha- Tommy and Nikki? I- I don't even know what happened that night! I was.. guilty when I woke up, but I would never- never- do something like that on purpose. I don't want Tommy or Nikki or Izzy or anyone else! I want-"

Her words abruptly cut off as she began realizing what she was saying. Breathing heavily and staring into his eyes, she frowned, "I don't want any of them. I don't want anyone else. But clearly, it's not the same for you." Turning to try and free herself from the tension-filled bathroom, the drummer delicately grasped her wrist.

"At the party, I.. didn't want you to see that, obviously, but I also didn't want you to think I didn't care. I tried to get back at you, which- I know- was stupid and- and I'm a complete big, dumb idiot for that, but I did that to see if you'd even care." "You couldn't think of any other way to find out?!" He breathed out and closed his eyes for a brief moment while he searched for the right thing to say, "In the moment, no, not really. But, obviously we both did some things that we regret-"

"I didn't. Nothing I did consciously, anyway." Jimmie's condescending tone quite clearly revealed that she wasn't done being angry, but Steven thought that was completely fair. He just wanted them to stop fighting. He just wanted her to be his again. "I didn't see you for a bit while we were on tour, and finding you with Tommy and Nikki the morning after we actually saw you again.. it kind of gave me the idea that you were done with me."

"I wasn't.. I'm not done with you. If I even did anything that night, it wasn't on purpose, and I didn't do it to hurt you. Seeing you with that girl.. I mean, I literally looked you in the eyes while you fucked her, Steven. Don't you think that would give me the idea that you didn't want me anymore?" Jimmie found herself breaking down every emotional wall that she'd built up around him, and she hated it. But, Steven deserved to see her when she's most vulnerable, and that's just what he was doing.

"Again, I'm sorry. Very, incredibly, deeply fucking sorry. I didn't like seeing you smile with everyone but me when it used to be the other way around. Please, Jimmie. You mean the world and more to me. Please." Taking her hands in his own, he began gently caressing her soft skin. She stared into his eyes for a few tense moments longer before suddenly kissing him. Without missing a beat, he followed her lips and fell deeper into the kiss.

"I'm sorry." he murmured against her, to which she hooked her arms around his neck and pulled him deeper into her embrace, "I know."