LEMONS / 𝗺𝗹𝗺 (✓)

7: where they're honest

CHAPTER SEVEN
where they're honest

Hwan had left.

As Kalen watched the last group of customers (five women who waved Kalen goodbye) stumble out the door while shamelessly letting their giggles fill the air, the only thing Kalen was thinking about was this.

His offer had entirely changed something in Hwan's eyes in a blink of an eye and Kalen had watched it happen, knowing that the answer—if he even got any—wouldn't be the answer he had hoped for.

He had watched Hwan's face pull together as if Kalen had slapped him across the face. Then he almost seemed angry, like Kalen actually had slapped him. A wildfire building itself up inside his eyes but poorly hidden.

As if Hwan was trying to hide that, what Kalen had said, lit a fire of anger that threatened to take down both of them if they weren't careful.

Hwan's face was the only thing Kalen saw because even though he had always loved the bar when it was empty and the only thing you could hear was the wind outside, the silence had no way of distracting him from his mind.

And Kalen's mind loved overanalyzing moments in his life even though he didn't think Hwan's earlier action needed too much analyzing.

Hwan had rejected Kalen and left. It was as simply as that.

Kalen circled the bar to collect half empty glasses and clean tables where booze had been knocked over and he realized that he wasn't angry with Hwan for leaving because that was his right. He could reject Kalen without any further explanations and the bartender would just have to live with it; so no, Kalen wasn't angry with Hwan.

He was surprised, he thought. Hwan had come back to the bar so many times for something that had nothing to do with alcohol and he had told Kalen his favorite color and joked about buying Kalen lemons and told him who he had spoken to on the phone even though he looked like he'd rather die than relive it.

Kalen was surprised because he had really believed Hwan was loosing up around him; surprised, because he had really thought he wasn't the only one thinking about the other more than necessary.

Surprised and hurt, maybe.

Kalen wondered if he was the only one who thought of the day at the fountain as a date.

When the bartender stepped back around the bar, he remembered Hwan preaching about the consequences of attachment and Kalen wondered if that had been what it was about; if Hwan had thought Kalen had gotten too close. Maybe he didn't like the way Kalen joked about his sexuality or asked about what he believed in or how happy he got when he had seen his painted nails because it showed a version of Kalen, Hwan wasn't willing to deal with.

Kalen felt his heart clench painfully of the thought that he had gotten so comfortable to the extent where it made Hwan uncomfortable.

Sometimes that happened, he realized. At some point, Kalen wasn't afraid to admit that it had happened with Lucas and some of his earlier friendships in his teenage years—sometimes, people would get freaked out by how quickly Kalen would loosen up around them. Some found it overwhelming, others annoying and even though Ria always told him it was their loss, Kalen still tried to think about it every time he met new people.

It wasn't anyone's fault, Kalen thought. Some people just needed different things.

Some people just didn't fit together, he guessed.

When it was around midnight and the door opened behind him, Kalen didn't get startled. It wasn't the first time a customer would be running back to retrieve their phone or jacket or wallet. Kalen barely glanced over his shoulder from where he was cleaning the counter, waiting for the customer to ask Kalen where they could find their missing item.