folie

escapism

written on 4/8/21

---

i relish in the silence

because it's harder to find it

there isn't much for where i am

because of the lack of peace

my mind can't give a moment to rest

we have found the lights far too loud

and anything greater than a whisper to be deafening

i am unable to center this being

she finds it best to bring me somewhere else

where even though it won't be quiet

it's somewhat of an escape

of course i am more than willing to dwell there

but now it's a place i don't even choose anymore

if i give myself that moment to stop

i will start to creep back into it

and i begin losing what i am

and where i am supposed to be

even now

what i say doesn't come easily

i fight to focus

though i don't want to stay

i know that this is where i am

but once i let myself go

i will try to find where it is i left my mind

---

hi it's really difficult to focus on things rn and i find myself dissociating kinda, i think that's the word i'm looking for but it's like derealization basically. it's hard to ground myself but i'm trying, okay i love you goodnight