Just My Luck

Innocence

Content Warning: graphic, personal depictions of sexual assault. Talk of suicide. Self harm.

Theresa's nephew was ever present.

When Theresa moved in, he was there to help. When we got our first real trampoline, he was there to celebrate. When my dad got a new puppy, a Boxer puppy, he was along for the ride. And I couldn't complain. It was nice to have a friend my age who really couldn't leave, and who seemed to genuinely enjoy my company.

I always felt so proud at all of his choir concerts. That was my cousin at this point, and everyone knew him. So for me to be so close, it was almost like being related to a celebrity. At church, it was the same. I felt I had a backstage pass.

I didn't know he felt entitled to things as well.

School let out for summer that year, seventh grade for me. It was early June, the 5th, and I had been waiting for the weather to be nice enough for a sleepover on the trampoline. My brother and I were definitely going to be involved, but we wanted some guests. Trinity couldn't be a part of it because she was at her dad's.

So we invited Theresa's nephew and his younger brother. I was ecstatic. I'd never had a sleepover with a boy that wasn't my brother. My friends consisted mainly of guys, and it wasn't even a sexual, hormone driven curiosity. I just wanted to spend that time with them, and had never gotten the chance to.

They came over, bringing blankets and pillows. My "cousin" was in black basketball shorts and a grey tshirt. He left his shoes out front, my dad's request. We played board games and video games and watched television until it was time for bed.

We went outside and all climbed onto the trampoline, reserving spots for ourselves. Farthest from the door was his little bother, then mine, then my cousin, then me. We continued to stay up, laying on our backs and stargazing. We laughed for hours, speaking stories into the darkness for only us and the crickets to hear.

Midnight hits. The younger boys are far gone, too small to stay up. My cousin and I were dozing off. I was on my side, facing the back door, watching the doggy door swing with the breeze. My eyes began to close.

My cousin scooted closer. His stomach was against my back, his feet touching mine. I startled. His breathing became ragged, almost like a whisper.

"I wonder what boobs feel like..."

I hummed in response. I had a feeling he was gonna ask to feel mine.

"I've.... never felt... boobs before. Can I...."

The hairs all over my body stood on end. His breath stirred the baby hairs behind my ear. My throat and tongue were paralyzed, I couldn't speak. I deliberated in my mind for what felt like a millennia. His fingers impatiently danced along my side.

"Uhm...." I wasn't sure. Part of me was curious as well, and who better than someone I trusted. But also, it was wrong. I didn't want him touching me anymore. I didn't want him anywhere near me. His hands creeped over my side, onto my belly. Fingertips traced my ribs. Eventually, I nodded.

I said whatever.

A small, unsure form of permission. He took his chance.

His hand cupped my chest, squeezing gently. My eyes screwed shut, my jaw clenched. My whole body lit on fire, a fire started by guilt and disgust. His scent surrounded us, a thick fog that choked me. In seconds, I was ready to run and hide and never speak to anyone again. But this was my fault, I allowed this.

"Thanks. I know this is a weird thing to thank you for, but thanks."

I whispered for him to stop. The small hardness that had been growing underneath me had become very firm.