Amidst Our Hearts

Thirty three.

Federal capital territory,
Nigeria.

Sakeena...

A loud shrill woke me up from my peaceful morning sleep. Extending my hand to tap the phone screen, the alarm stopped blaring. The oddly familiar environment made me scared a little till I heard a voice. "You're finally awake" I hummed, removing the duvet off of my body.

I walked to the bathroom and turned on the faucet then perform wudhu. The cold water on my skin made me shiver. My body doesn't respond well with anything cold on the outside. Turning the faucet off, I closed the door behind me and walked to where Khalifa is sitting on the praying mat.

I saw a blanket and pillow on the couch there which means he slept there. "Why are you smiling?" A voice pulled me out of my love trance.

"I always smile and I don't need to have a reason to smile" I made way for the door to go to my room for a hijab.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"My room for a hijab" I turned back and faced him.

"I figured out that you'll need one so I got one for you before you woke up. I didn't look through your drawers though" the smirk on his face not hidden and handed me the brown hijab.

I pulled the hijab over my head, the length covering my entire body. "I haven't prayed yet, let's pray together" the smile etched on his face gave me butterflies. I urged my legs to move to the praying mat sprawled on the carpet.

I prayed two raka'ats first then Khalifa led the prayer. The smile on my face only grew wider, the euphoric feeling of happiness

"We have never prayed before, not even during when we got married" I whispered.

"We got married based on some certain circumstances" he replied in a whispering tone also.

"It just feels surreal"

"I know right" he turned around and faced me. My heart suddenly beating faster and my palms felt wet. His eyes hold his cold expression as he stares at me.

I stood up and used the praying mat I used, a little hurt. I actually didn't expect anything from him but a part of me wished that he'll just say something that will make me believe even a little bit that we can work out. "I'll just be in my room."

My insides burned, tears stinging my eyes but I won't let myself cry ever, not because of a guy. Not now, not ever.

Closing the door behind me, I went straight into the bathroom straight and took a shower. My mind flashed back to the event of yesterday. The game room, the studio, him holding my hand, how his breath felt on my ear gave me goosebumps.

All of a sudden, his grip on my hand tightened, I yelped when it got too intense but it looked like he's trapped in his own mind. Like he's recalling a past memory. He looked disheveled when he finally came back to reality, almost scaring me. The way he kept running his fingers through his hair, messing it up more shows that he's trying to clear his mind.

Khalifa will never do anything to hurt me because he'll have to answer to his mother but the way he yanked me forcefully, he must've had something going on in his mind. He did say the studio brings back old memories.

I also did not miss how he didn't even pay single one bit of his attention to the cartoon. Maybe he wasn't interested but just decided to watch it because I wanted to. Then again, he didn't even watch it because he kept staring into space, his face void of emotions.

Could it be that I'm not his type? Is it because I'm dark skinned? Is it because I can't see without the aid of my glasses or contacts? Am I too young for him? Am I a burden on him? Is he doing this all because Amma requested him to get married to him? Is he finding it difficult to reciprocate the love back because of Haaya?