Lila/Alya Salt One-Shots

In Which Everyone's a Dumbass and I Forgot to Mention Lila

Alya was going to die. Wake up, and die again. How could she be so stupid???

Lois Lane stood in front of Marinette's desk, waiting for her response.

"Oh, no. I'm afraid Alya declined the internship. Something about me not possibly being worth enough for Lois Lane to give a second of her time." Marinette shrugged like, 'what can you do', smiled and went back to her sketchbook. "Oh," she said, still drawing. "And Max declined an internship with you as well, Tony. Something about there being a 0% chance that you would associate yourself with someone with such a low IQ. And you neither, Peitro, Kim said there was no way you would spend your time with a liar and a bully like me, and that my offer was only proof of my being a liar. Sorry, Austin Moon, Nino just wasn't having it. Alix said no to you too, Maddie Rooney, because apparently someone as high up as you wouldn't know me, let alone trust me enough to ask to coach someone of my choosing. A shame, really. And McLean, I offered Rose, but she told me that it was just silly to string this web of lies that I'd soon get caught up in, so you'll need to find someone else for your tv show. Mylene also said that she wasn't having it. And I'm sorry too, Grover, because Ivan rejected joining you while you protested chopping trees and planting shrubs with the dryads-- I mean, with you friends. And Adrien said no to the offer of working with Agreste clothing, Bruce. Something about not believing that I would stoop so low. And Sabrina said no to working with you too, Ms. Potts. And Chloe stomped away calling me utterly ridiculous when I offered to let her model for you, Christina Ross. Juleka said I was dreaming if I thought she would believe that you wanted to hang out with her, Wanda. Sorry, but we can still hang out later! Nathaniel also told me I was insane for thinking he would buy me offering getting drawing lessons from Steve Rodgers. So, sorry everyone! They just weren't interested."

The silence was deafening, and then--

"I'm sorry, they said what? Pepper get someone that will destroy their lives on the phone." THE Tony Stark said. Max was folding in on himself, shaking his head muttering nonsense.

"I'll tell-- m'baaahh-- Nico. Maybe he can get his dad to send some monsters after them." Grover announced. Grover was known for his acts for plants and creatures. Ivan and Mylene were whimpering.

"I'll headline this 'Class in France treats Local Angel like Trash' Yeah, that sounds nice." Lois Lane muttered, typing away. Alya deflated. She had messed it all up. Why hadn't she just said yes???

"Is it bad that I still want them for my show? Just imagine the drama--" Chris McLean was cut off by a bunch of glares. Mylene and Rose burst into tears simultaneously.

"I'll give them nightmares for eternity." Wanda chuckled darkly, her hands already glowing.

"Well, I can't do much in terms of revenge so. . .uh. . .I really hate you guys." Peitro said, Wanda glaring at him for ruining her super-sinister-and-threatening vibe. Kim punched the desk. That could've jump started his career!

Steve just shook his head disappointedly, muttering lots of "Back in my day. . ."'s. Nathaniel shook. Why hadn't he just rolled with it? Even if it did turn out to be a lie, he would've known that for sure, instead he immediately jumped to the fact that she was lying. 

"It's done! They've been blacklisted from literally everywhere." Pepper Potts said, hanging up the phone. Sabrina wailed, and everyone broke down into tears at that.

"I'm not really the revenge type so I'll just settle with a really angry and upset look." Austin Moon informed. Nino sobbed, pulling up his headphones and turning on his Sad Playlist.

"I spent a shit ton of money on tickets to fly me to France and this is what I get? Thanks for being a load of bullshit, guys. It was nice seeing you, Mari." Maddie Rooney told everyone, before promptly storming out, because she may have her faults but her sister at least taught her how to do a killer dramatic exit. Alix held her skates to her chest and screamed, cussing everything out.

"So. . .this is what Jagged warned me about. . ." Bruce mumbled, looking exhausted. Adrien wasn't crying, but his gaze fixed on a part of the wall and stayed there. His father was going to kill him for declining this. And the worst part was, he had done it willingly. There was no threat, no one was saying "reject Bruce Wayne or die" he had done it, without a second thought.

"Hmph. I at least wanted to get something out of this. . . .will you at least help me with the fashion line, Marinette?" Christina Ross questioned, her don't-mess-with-me mood already on. Chloe screeched about this all being Dupain-Cheng's fault. Marinette reassured Christina that she would.

AKA, the day everyone fucked up.