The Secrets She Kept

The Secrets She Kept - Chapter 18

My head throbbed from a combination of tears and the sterile overhead lighting. Despite the pain behind my eyes, I stared resolutely at the bright white lab coat. Nothing had been as fascinating as the cursive writing which pronounced the owner to be Dr Linda Drakeford. If I focused on that, perhaps I wouldn't have to focus on her words.

"Did you wish to speak alone?" She asked eventually.

I shook my head, still looking at her chest. It was probably becoming inappropriate after this long but I struggled to drag my eyes away. She remained quiet. It was like she was waiting. But waiting for what? For me to drag my eyes off of her chest? To stop acting like a child unwilling to face reality. All of the above?

With a small sigh, I lifted my eyes to her. The professional empathy was flawless as if she had done this a thousand times before. And she probably had.

I cleared my throat and replied, "No. He can stay."

She nodded her head, adjusting the stethoscope around her neck.

"How is she?" I finally asked, because that was what she was clearly waiting for me to say.

"We've stabilised your mother for now. She has pneumonia, a symptom of which is a build-up of fluid in the lungs. It's affecting her ability to breathe." She replied calmly, her eyes meeting mine.

My fingers clenched around Richie's like he was my personal life raft. I would never be more grateful for his presence as she delivered her next words.

"Her condition has deteriorated rapidly since her arrival here so we're using all of the extraordinary measures we have at our disposal. She is no longer able to breathe on her own so we have had to sedate her and put her on a ventilator. We have also given her a course of strong medication to help her body fight off the illness." She replied. The expression on her face spoke volumes though her facial muscles did not even twitch.

"She's not going to pull through, is she?" The words were whispered but they were loud within my skull.

Doctor Drakeford hesitated. "I don't want to lie to you. There is always a chance she will pull through but her prognosis is not looking good. Her body is already in a weakened state and this will take everything she has to fight." She paused. "The next twenty four to forty eight hours are critical but you may wish to consider the options."

My throat was so dry it was painful to force out my next words. "What options?"

The doctor shifted a little but that mask of professionalism remained perfectly in place. "Well, we can continue to do everything in our power to keep her alive. We can continue with life support and the extraordinary measures. Or, if she does not respond to the medication, you may wish to choose to cease all extraordinary measures. We can make her comfortable so that she doesn't have to feel any pain and we can remove life support."

And she dies.

I swallowed. How had it come to this? How was I responsible for making these decisions? I may be an adult but as I stared into that doctor's face, all I wanted was for someone to take those decisions out of my hands. For someone to be the adult and take control because I certainly didn't feel sure enough.

"When do I have to make a decision?"

"Not yet."

I nodded.

"We'll monitor her progress but I just want you to be prepared. You should know all of the facts going in. I am sure that your mum's doctor has already made you aware but, as she moves towards the end stages of the disease, she will be more susceptible to illness and less able to fight it off." She paused, her hand reaching out as if she were going to offer some form of comfort before she dropped it back to her side. "We'll do everything we can to make your mum comfortable, no matter your decision."