𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃, max verstappen

08 ; he did what?

"Has Max spoken to you in the meantime?" Susie had called me less than half an hour after landing and hadn't even given me time to unpack my suitcases.

I would have loved to press the red button on my cell phone screen, but I knew that this conversation would happen sooner or later.

"I think he's made it very clear that he doesn't want anything more from me," I sighed, running my fingers through my brown curls and sitting down on the floor to pick out things for dinner.

"No. Really?" The surprise in her voice threw me for a loop. Like there was something most of them knew and hadn't told me.

"He kissed Kelly in front of me."

My voice broke treacherously and tears choked my throat, which I frantically blinked away. The last thing I wanted was for Mom to worry about me and want to come here.

"He did what?!" She exclaimed, expelling the breath hard from her lungs as if it had happened to her and not me.

"He asked George to help him and then when we got there..." I interrupted myself, clearing my throat to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"I don't know what happened. Maybe it's a misunderstanding," I ran my fingers through my hair again, "but it doesn't matter now. How are you?"

You could tell she would have liked to talk about the latest gossip, but Mom apparently realized that I really wasn't in the mood to talk about Max.

"Good, I think. You're missing here. Jack and Benedict miss you." They must already be asleep because there wasn't a light on in the living room and the blonde woman on the other end of the line was talking suspiciously quietly.

"Actually, they wanted to stay awake until we could talk on the phone, but they didn't make it."

"I miss you too, mom."

A motherly smile crossed my mother's lips and her eyes began to shine.

"I wish you were here. Everything is so incomplete without you." My heart began to ache and suddenly I was thrown into this cage where I missed my mother more than anything and wanted her by my side.

Max Verstappen was my first real love and, deep down, he would always be. The fact that he had ripped my heart out of my chest for the second time didn't change that.

I would have loved to fall apart in my loving mother's arms and cry until I couldn't breathe.

"If everything goes well, we'll be home soon." I smiled, even though she couldn't see it. She wasn't looking at the camera but talking to someone in one of the side rooms.

"Next week?" The blonde mother looked at me hopefully and I hated myself for having to dash this hope.

"Maybe I can find a day in the last week to come back to Monaco."

It would be nice to see Mom again. I hadn't seen her since I'd been traveling the world with Dad to follow the drivers everywhere and my heart longed for her warm hugs.

"Dad will be home the first week, but I'm going away with Georgie and Carmen for a while." Maybe it was a good opportunity to finally tear myself away from Max.

My insides were crying out for him, crying out for his touch and his kisses —

But my heart knew that his heart was no longer crying out for mine and his world no longer revolved around me.

He hadn't even bothered to check on me after I stormed out of the RedBull box.

"Really? That sounds great!" Susie was happy for me, but I knew that her mother's heart was disappointed not to be able to see me again this time.

"Mick will come by and get everything I'll need." I wouldn't have had the heart to see my family and leave a few minutes later. Mick knew that too and had offered, as he'd been friends with the family for ages.

"You're not coming to get your things yourself?" The disappointment in her voice made the chain around my heart tighten even more. I hated myself for not being able to see her, for being selfish and taking the time I really needed. "You know I couldn't go then."

I sighed.

This was all so incredibly difficult, even though it shouldn't be.

"Maybe we'll come to Spielberg so we can see you again." Mom gave me a playful smile, which instantly lifted my spirits.

It would be really nice to be able to see Mom at the next race, as it wasn't too far from our home by jet.

"I'll get you the tickets." I grinned, and by now Susie had realized that she had made a mistake.

"Mat," She sighed, "I don't even know if I can get time off for this. Then I'd have to arrive on Wednesday and take the children out of school."

My shoulders slumped again and suddenly it was me who was enveloped in disappointment like a dark cloud.

"I know," I nibbled at the protruding skin of my fingers and bit my bottom lip to stifle the tears that were welling up. "God, I hate this. I don't know how much longer I can take seeing those two."

Mom was surprised by my sudden change of subject, but she immediately understood what I meant.

"Oh, sweetie." Her voice stung my chest and the tears I'd been trying so desperately to hold back began to burn across the soft flesh of my cheeks.

"I want him back, Mom," I sobbed, letting my head bang against the bed frame next to me as I pulled my legs to my chest.

"I know. I know, Tilda, but that's just not how life works."

I would have loved to let my mother pull me into her arms, but I knew it was impossible right now.

"It's so unfair. Can you just fall out of love with someone?" I could feel the chain around my heart tightening even more and threatening to crush it. My heart couldn't imagine that Max had simply stopped loving me because of one incident.

But my brain was working differently, wondering whether it was all real or whether the Dutchman had just played it all out for me.

Maybe all those years had meant nothing.

Nothing at all.

It was all just a game to him.