Brie Sheridan has had her heart broken way too many times. Rhett Price is usually the culprit, but, this time, he might be the solution.
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Brooke 'Brie' Sheridan wouldn't necessa...
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RHETT
I feel like I'm on cloud nine, which, in my book, is always a clear sign something bad is about to happen.
There are times in my life—way too frequent for comfort—when it gets hard to tell the difference between anxiety and realism, where I'm constantly anticipating the other shoe to drop because, in my head, it just makes sense for it to work out that way. I don't know whether the evidence is just in my head and is fabricated by my brain in a terribly pathological attempt to keep me alive and safe (debatable) or if it's objective and palpable.
I don't like it when the lines get blurred like this. It doesn't comfort me in the slightest, it doesn't make me feel any more prepared for an impending catastrophe; it just makes me feel like shit, and, in turn, sours my mood and turns me into the terrible person I've always been convinced I am, rotten to the core.
It does me no good to try and repair my reputation and social standing when my own actions go out of their way to prove everyone right. How am I supposed to pass off as the right choice for the boosters and the scouts? How am I supposed to make my teammates trust and support me if I'm snapping at them over the littlest things and am barely able to hold my own weight on the ice?
I'm benched.
It's the first match of the season, and I'm fucking benched because my behavior during every practice but the very first one has been miserably laughable, and Coach Gonzalez couldn't justify allowing me to be a part of the starting roster for the first match of the season. All eyes are on us, and I'm benched in the penalty box because I'm a fucking idiot, unable to escape his own mental prison.
It's utterly humiliating. Even Andy couldn't find a single nice or supportive thing to say, even though he's been dealing with his personal problems, and all he managed was a commiserating pat on the shoulder as we were leaving our locker room. I don't even know why I bothered to show up tonight.
It would be far, far worse for me if I refused to be present for the first match, especially since tonight will set the tone for the rest of our season, and I don't want to disappoint anyone even further, especially Coach Gonzalez and my family.
Though Andy understands and would never hold this and my mental health over my head, asking the same from everyone else in my life would be way too much, and I don't want to impose. I don't want people to feel bad for me or do me favors out of pity, but sometimes a guy just wants to feel validated. It's an emotional evening and I feel like an open wound, shivering from head to toe even while wearing my protective gear, and I'm so jittery and restless I can barely sit still. My whole body itches to be on the ice, and it's my own fault that I'm not.
That makes it a million times worse. I can't blame anyone but myself for my current circumstances, and it fucking sucks having to hold myself accountable for ruining my own life and future.
