"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains."
—Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha
***
The sound of rain on my window is ever so heavy as I unclasp the velvety jewelry box. Long time. It's been a long time since I left my bed, unsupervised, and even more so since I wore something that doesn't scream 'patient'.
I had forgotten how much I loved all this, the feeling of soft satin wrapped around me, the slightly cold-to-touch pearl necklace, and the giddy feeling of being drunk in love. I was about to clasp the necklace when I heard footsteps.
"He's here!"
I walked out towards the living room, the necklace still in my hand. My footsteps aren't as rigid anymore thanks to my deteriorated health but it couldn't halt the building anticipation inside my stomach for today. It's perfect. Everything is perfect. The dress, the time, the day, and him, HIM. Oh how much I want to leap down the stairs to hug his steady frame that just entered the hall. His coat hanging loosely around his shoulders as he strode towards the dining room, giving all his attention to the stupid phone. I followed him with light steps, like the old days, with a mischievous grin.
"Natasha," he said to his phone while pouring himself a glass of water.
Natasha?
I stopped right outside the dining room, standing nearby.
"I don't think I can make it today. Maybe some other day?"
was Natasha joining us? is he turning her down?
"uhm hmm. Her grandfather. He wants to meet today."
"Nah. Everything is way too scattered for anyone to piece together"
"It's been 10 years Natasha. 10 years. And it was me. Me all along. And that stupid sister of yours never even knew." He chuckled. He chuckled!
I tried to stifle the bubbling sobs with a hand of mine, leaning on a wall to stand still.
***
It's been three hours since he left. Without bothering to look for his so-called wife. I have been sitting here ever since. In front of the same mirror where I was smiling cheekily earlier today. with a heartbreak, I never saw coming.
Three hours.
And all I could hear was how he chuckled. he chuckled!
After snatching all the beliefs that I've lived with for the last 20 years shattering them to mere pieces he chuckled. I wish I had not held back. I wish I had gotten ahold of his neck right then. I wish I demanded from him the answers I know I deserve but what he said next broke anything that was left in me to such lengths that I am surprised to find myself still whole and not in a pile of guilt. solid brittle guilt.
He's been drugging me. for the last 7 freaking years.
"She barely has a year now. We have nothing to worry about."
"No one would know, much less her grandfather who doesn't even know why his precious little princess doesn't attend the board meetings anymore."
That's what he said to her. My sister. And here I lie, in a mess of my own choices now. Betrayed by the ones I trusted the most.
In my one hand lays the pearly necklace that was to adorn my neck today. On the other lays a beretta pico from my father. Tragic how both of these are wedding gifts and even more tragic is the fact that the one I never thought I would come to use is probably my only way out now.
I held both of these with the same frustration and the pearls snapped out of the string, kissing the floor. fake. like his love for me.
But I won't let them have this their way. I was dead the moment I heard of his betrayal but I won't let them have the sweet taste of their wicked victory yet. They want me to die. Fine. I'll die.
But not when they want me to.
With all the energy I could muster I stomped down to the hall for the keys. Somewhere quiet and I knew exactly where this time.
Samarth. A man I gave my youth, my assets, my priorities to in exchange for a marriage that turned out to be as hollow as his love for me. It is the night of our 10th anniversary, a date special for more than one reason, but turns out the man I left everything for didn't even love me a tenth of what I did.
how did I even end up like this? that's the only question going through my head since I heard him confessing. Accidentally.
But no matter how much I resent him for what he did, in the end, it was me who fed his insatiable greed in the blindness of my love. now that I think about it, It's always been there. His lack of interest, his exceptionally busy schedule, and the slow but steady depletion of his efforts.
How blind could I have been? How could I have been this blind in love? I'm not even sure if it was love, maybe I had been so deprived of love that I fell for the first man who showed me the tiniest bit of sympathy.
Maybe all I needed was a bit of concern and understanding. Maybe it was all it took for me to toss all my doubts into the backseat and take such a leap of faith. A failed leap of faith.
So here I am, standing at the edge of a godforsaken river bridge, willing to end my life to pay for the sins I have committed by letting a devil of a man use me
in the name of love.
*******
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THE FIRST CHAPTER!!!!!
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Reborn (Releasing January 2024)
Romance"Sometimes I feel like a doll. Breaking inside, piece by piece. Cursed for its beauty" For every prayer she sent, she only got misery. She lived her life resenting her family and fate. One day she discovers that her misery was not determined by fate...
