CLANDESTINE : Spencer Reid

59

Seeing our old course mates is nice, but my mind isn't in Inverness. Not properly, anyway. I board the plane there without any issues, although part of me does grip my passport too tightly. If it was lost or stolen, I'd just go to an embassy, but I don't think I can afford a single delay in getting home. The air is pleasant, the breeze salty, and the laughter loud.

We catch up with our old coursemates, Estelle and me. We were the only two Rhodes scholars in our programme, all of the others living in different accommodations and on different life paths. One of them is getting a PhD. Estelle tells them I got into Malmö, and I tell them I'm not going. Not to Georgetown either. I reject both programmes that night in the hotel. Before I go back to school, I need time to breathe. I just need to be in Washington DC. I need to figure out how to take the subway to and from my job, the same way. I need to live in our flat for two years, even if Estelle wants an upgrade. Or, even if she moves out and decides to become contract faculty at a university or college on the other side of the globe.

I need to see my siblings at Christmas. We could go to Québec, although if we did we wouldn't see Mama. It would be nice to go to Carnival with them again.

We drink at pubs and tour Inverness. We take the train to Edinburgh and we complain about our jobs. Estelle waits for the Loch Ness monster, of course, which never comes, of course, and when we are alone in our hotel room we speak in French still.

When it is time to say goodbye, Estelle and I head to the airport. My knuckles go white wrapped around my passport. Estelle chastises me, warns me I am going to bend it or crease the pages. I just shrug. I'm getting on the plane. I'm getting on the plane that will take us back to Washington DC, despite a few layovers.

We scan in and then we head through security. My heart pounds in my chest. But I get through. My leg jolts beneath me as I sit at the gate.

"Is the FBI jet that bad?" Estelle leans over to me. "You never are this anxious before a flight."

I scrunch my nose, "mind your business."

"Never have," she sighs, pulling out a book from her carry-on. "Never will."

When she opens the book, she looks at me and winks. I laugh, a nervous sort of thing that shoots out of me. They call us to board the plane. I get in line, next to her. All of it, it doesn't feel real. It feels fake, awful, rotten.

Then again, I don't feel far from home.

I can feel Spencer. Beside, me just as he was on the last flight I took into Washington. I feel him like I did on the balcony the first New Year's Eve. Maybe I always can. I can feel him when he sits across from me in the bullpen, and when he is flying to investigate a case in California. Even when I'm far away, when I was so afraid, I wouldn't go back, I felt him beside me.

We land, and it's late at night, and I take a different cab than Estelle. She rolls her eyes because now she has to pay more for her ride. Reid moved after his apartment flooded, but I know his address because we carpooled. He even sent me his unit number.

The elevator door dings and I drag my suitcase into the hallway. My travel bag feels heavy on my back. I sewed a new patch on the plane over. I'm so fucking exhausted, but I have to do this. He has to know that I meant it. I am serious about Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm not leaving him. Even if temporarily I physically leave, I'm not fleeing. I'm coming back.

I hover at the door. It's stupid, but I finally knock on it. The door knocker is so loud. I step back, taking in a deep breath. He's got to be here. He's got to be.

Something unlocks. The door swings open and there he is, on the other side of the door, looking at me. My heart skips a beat.

"You're... hello," he manages, looking down at my stuff than back up at me.

"Can I come in?" I ask, swallowing. "I was hoping we could belabour the point. Or at least argue a bit."

He smiles, and I feel my chest shake. Spencer steps aside just a bit, and I follow him into his apartment. 

~~~~~

Is it short? Yes. Is it an epilogue? Yes. Is there a sequel? Yes.

Covert (part ii of ii) is already on my profile. Feel free to go check it out!