A Guide To Medicine and War

16???

"Look, all I'm saying is that the amount of gold is a little excessive. I get it, you wanna impress Karl for your little party thing, but this? Excessive. We don't need gold covered grapes, for the love of prime," Red says, the grapes being a reference to something he can't quite remember. Quackity rolls his eyes, huffing in annoyance.

"But I like gold," he whines, crossing his arms and pouting like a child.

"Literally stop. Get the gold off the damn grapes. If I see more gold, I will have a mental breakdown. Understand?"

"But you like gold," Quackity says, grinning as Red pauses.

He does like gold. And red. And the blond hair he sees when he looks in the mirror (not that he does it often, the white scar on his head makes him want to scream). They remind him of something inexplicably good.

But he's not going to be proven wrong by someone named after a duck.

"I hate gold, duck boi."

"I literally say you clutching a gold colored stuffed raccoon two days ago."

"So? A man's allowed to have stuffed animals."

"You were crying!" Quackity exclaims, voice tilting up in question.

"Would you rather I get actual therapy?"

"—YES"

"Oof," Red replies, looking (down) at Quackity. "Honestly, a stuffed animal is a step up from my old therapy substitute."

"How?" Quackity asks, incredulous. He runs a hand through his hair, confused.

"It used to be a random tag."

"I—I don't even know what to say?"

"Simply don't talk then."

"That's why you have so many issues, my favorite color boy," he says with a soft smile, the sarcasm leaking from his voice.

(Red's heart warms, but it's not quite right. It's not the peaceful, welcoming warmth like he's accustomed to. It's warmer, paining him. No one is supposed to be this kind (but someone was, with golden hair and a loud laugh), he's not used to it.)

"I don't have issues."

Quackity stares at him in shock, blinking slowly. "Oh, you don't?"

"I'm so unproblematic and issue free that people want to erect statues of me. Because I'm like a god, you see."

Quackity snorts at erect (obviously), shaking his head. "Literally no one wants to do that."

"Don't lie to yourself. Just because no one is erecting—stop laughing, please—statues of you doesn't mean you have to be so jealous. We can't all be perfect."

"I house you."

"And?"

"I can kick you out."

"You can't even kick me, duck boi," Red snorts, eyes widening as Quackity lunges at him. He darts out of the way, grinning as Quackity tackles empty air. Then he screams when Quackity pulls out a (golden) nerf gun and shoots the foam bullet at his ankle. He mocks dying, and Quackity smiles triumphantly.

"Purpled from UFO? Quackity from Las Nevadas? What are you doing?" A...goop (?) asks. It looks like a normal guy covered in some greenish substance (now, at least) but had earlier just been a blob that morphed into green goop from the floor.

Maybe Red is just suffering brain damage. It does look like he got shot in the head, maybe he did.

(And who the fuck is Purpled and what is a Pogtopia?)