Hide & Seek

Five

A cold shudder ran down Psalms spine. The question Nolan asked wasn't going to be an easy one to answer. He truly didn't even know where to start. He could talk about the day he found his mama. She was laying on the couch as she always did with a needle sitting beside her.

He could say that he shook her and shook her but she never opened her eyes. He could describe how cracked and blue her lips were, how lifeless her body felt when he crawled her in his arms and screamed until he had no voice left to wail with.

But, that all seemed too much.

"I...I needed money." It was true. After running away from the group home he needed the money to buy clothes and his pills. Psalm also needed a new blanket from the local Salvation army; the one he took with him had a few too many holes. Food too, of course. That always came first.

"That much is obvious." Nolan snorted, rolling his eyes. He leaned forward, pressing his chest into the table. "Your parents, where are they?"

Psalm shrugged. "I dunno." That was another slice of truth. He didn't even know his father's first name. Let alone had Psalm ever met the guy. Sometimes he hoped that wherever his father was he was living a good life. That is, if he was still alive.

Nolan's face lit up with the faintest traces of annoyance. "You dunno?" He echoed.

"E-Exactly."

"Unfortunately that's not good enough." The man's jaw ticked. "Psalm, I'm unsure if you're aware of this or not but there's laws set against child labor. You, at eleven years old, are not supposed to be working. Nor, are you even close to old enough to be a part of the labor force."

He shrugged again. What did that matter? "So?"

"So," Nolan tapped his finger impatiently. "Where is your mother? Does she not care that her eleven year old is waiting tables?"

"I don't know, Nolan." Psalm crashed his head into his upturned palms. "I don't know where she is. Hopefully h-heaven? But I'm not betting on it."

The older kids at the group had told him differently though. Psalm could recall his first day there as well as he could count to one hundred. He could still smell the dirtied sweat soaked sheets he'd been given and feel the pain of those cheap bed springs poking into his spine. Psalm could hear the bellowing laughter coming from all sides of the room as the other kids laughed at him because his mother's death was that much of a joke in their eyes.

Their haunting voices echoed ruthlessly through his mind. She never loved you. She probably overdosed just to get away from you, crybaby. I bet she hated you just like I do.

A scream died in his throat, tears furiously rushed to his eyes.

He hated those kids and he hated that stupid grimy orphanage and he hated Nolan for making him remember it all.

When he uncovered his eyes, he knew they were red and glossy but Psalm couldn't find the strength in himself to care.

Nolan's gaze flickered with a twinge of regret but it was too late for that. He looked away for a moment, studying nothing at all until his eyes finally landed back onto Psalm.

The air between them was so thick Psalm found it hard to breathe. "I'm sorry." Nolan said. "I understand how hard this is for you."

Psalm shook his head, his heart was beating rapidly. He was almost surprised it didn't burst out of his chest and flutter away. "It's fine."

"Psalm—"

"I don't want to talk about this, sir. If you're g-going to kick me o-out then just do it."

Nolan shook his head, sighing heavily. "I'm not kicking you out."

"Why?" Psalm spat, the venom in his tone thick. "I want to go back to P-Pigolli's." Psalm knew his voice was rising but the anger inside him was ferocious. It kindled quicker than gasoline being dumped onto fire and spread to every part of his body like a deadly infection. "I don't want to be here if you're going t-to investigate me like I'm a criminal—"

"Hey," Nolan's deep baritone was as chilly as winter's day. Psalm clamped his lips shut so hard they stung.  "I want to help you. I haven't invited you into my home for no reason. In order for me to help you Psalmy you have to help me." Nolan paused. "I'm sorry if what I asked felt intrusive. But, I'm asking for not only my family's safety but yours as well."

Psalm let his words sit in his mind until the fire inside him dampened. Nolan had no way of knowing he found his mommy dead or that he'd been bullied so mercilessly he'd made himself homeless. It wasn't his fault. He wasn't wrong for asking questions, all adults did was ask questions.

Psalm shook his leg beneath the table. Once the anger was gone, anxiousness swirled inside his belly in its wake. Suddenly this dining room felt ten sizes too big for a boy like him. "I'm s-sorry too," he choked out. "I j-just—It's h-hard to remember t-the stuff that h-happened to me, Mr. Nolan."

"I understand what you're going through Psalm."

"You d-don't." Psalm shook like a leaf in high winds even though the air was warm. Nolan stared at him for a long time. Psalm felt like he was looking into his soul, extracting every secret he held with just those stony blue eyes. But, a strange wash of calm fell upon him.

He didn't know how or why but Nolan made him feel safe in a way he'd never felt with any adult before. Psalm knew he couldn't trust anyone, he'd learned that from years in foster care but he also couldn't help the way his body leaned towards Nolan whenever a new person was introduced to him. Or when this home felt too grandiose.

Fourteen hours.

That was all It'd taken the man to break through the three years of reinforced steel doors around Psalm's heart. It was utterly terrifying.

Nolan suddenly smiled, it wasn't wide nor particularly shiny but it was there and on his lips. His hand came up and fear raved through Psalm, he flinched back but Nolan followed and his fingers rested in the younger's curls, ruffling them. The touch was fleeting, as soon a warm spell of comfort twisted down Psalm's spine it was gone.

"Psalm," Nolan began quietly, almost secretly. "How do you think I even know about Piggoli's?"

What? Before he could open his mouth Nolan was pushing in his chair, shrugging on a suit jacket and out the door without another word.

****

I apologize for the short chapter. The upcoming one's will be longer. Thank you all for reading, I appreciate it more than you know.