Windwheel

Ch6: Withering

A: Sorry about last night. I'm working after school if u want to swing by. Can we talk?

Xiao glances down at his phone to see Aether's message, but his reaction is a sigh of exasperation. He slides his phone into his pocket, fixing his rain jacket. It had been raining for the past few weeks on and off. However, today a big storm was supposed to hit. The wind tugs at him as he makes his way to school, a clear indication of the severity of the upcoming storm.

Harsh rain falls on him, but he knows Aether would still find a way to love it. He always found a way to be optimistic, no matter the situation. The thought of it makes Xiao feel sick. It wasn't that he didn't want to be in love or that he didn't like Aether. He couldn't place his finger on why exactly having this crush made him feel so sick.

By the time he reaches school, he's drenched. He fixes his soaked hair, pushing the sleek, messy strands out of his face. His bag and its contents are probably also soaked. It's not an issue for him at the moment, though. Right now, his main concern is getting to class on time.

His classes went by like a blur. Xiao was present in the moment, but his mind was elsewhere. His mind was preoccupied with his feelings, making it difficult for him to concentrate.

Maybe that's why he couldn't catch himself when he slipped.

Xiao suddenly became aware of his actions. He was on the floor, his clothes covered in mud. He had lost his footing and fell. Thankfully, he was unharmed, aside from an aching feeling in his arm. Xiao brushes himself off and stands up, catching his breath momentarily.

As he tried to get up, he noticed he was in front of the flower shop. It was as if his feet had brought him there unconsciously. There's a bitter taste in his mouth, both metaphorically and in actuality. He accidentally bit his inner lip when he fell, making it bleed. Spitting out the blood to the side, he watched it wash away in the rain.

Xiao walked away from the flower shop, heading home with his clothes covered in mud and his hair a mess. One shower later, he was about as good as new, but his arm was still a bit scrapped up. After the shower, he sees a missed message on his phone.

A: I missed u today, but I saw u walking by. I'm sorry abt everything.

Xiao takes a shaky breath before putting his phone down. He moves to admire his plants, ironically, to try and avoid his thoughts about the florist.

"Aether.. I don't deserve you..." he mutters softly.

He looks over to find the windwheel that he and Aether had grown. He remembers how much he had cherished it, and how he had even brought it inside the room, away from the storm that had been raging outside. The once vibrant and thriving plant is now withered and lifeless. Xiao's eyes widen and he holds the pot close to his chest as if to protect it from any further harm.

"No, no, no, no... what did I do?"

He can't help but wonder what he had done wrong. How could the plant, which was once blooming with life, wilt so quickly? Suddenly, tears start falling down his cheeks. He hadn't even realized that he had started crying. His trembling fingers gently feel the dying plant's leaves, hoping to revive it somehow.

"I messed up, so bad... I'm so sorry."

Feeling drained, he lays down on his bed and tries to forget about everything. Everything he has been working for for around a month has gone down the drain. He had lost his best friend, and the plant was a painful reminder of his failure.

For days, Xiao tried to nurture the dying plant with no results. He avoided the flower shop and Aether, who didn't stop trying to text him every day. In his messages, never once did he get mad or blame Xiao.

Days later, while walking home in the pouring rain, Xiao suddenly feels a hand grab his wrist tightly. He turns to face the blond florist, his hair drenched from the rain, holding on to him tightly.

"Aether..."

"Please, can we talk? I've been trying to reach you for days. I understand if you're mad, but please... just give me that closure?"

Xiao hesitates. For days, he has been preparing for this inevitable moment. He had been practicing telling Aether to leave him alone. But in the face of him, now, he can't bring himself to do it. Instead, he stares at Aether, his heart aching.

"Is it about what I said?" Aether asks, quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't know that that joke would upset you this much."

Xiao looks away. He takes a breath and speaks softly. "It'd be best if we never see each other."

"What? But why?"

"It's for the best, okay?"

"I don't understand. 'For the best'? In who's interest?"

"It's in your best interest, okay? Listen, I don't want to talk–"

"It's not in my best interest. Xiao, you're my best friend. Whatever this is about, we can talk through it. I don't want to lose you. I care about you."

"Don't say that," Xiao says, harshly. He pushes Aether's hands away from his.

"Why can't I care about you? Why are you trying to push me away?!"

"Because I don't need you to care about me, okay?! I don't want you to care about me! I don't want you to put trust in me just so I can fuck it up!"

"I don't care if you fuck it up! I still want to care about you! I'm still going to care about you, even if you push me away a hundred times! You're still my friend! You deserve to be cared for!"

Xiao grows silent. He frowns and then takes a shaky breath before pulling away from Aether. The harsh rainfall and bitter air make the separation between the two of them feel so much greater.

"Aether. I appreciate you. But I don't want to mess this up. You're the kindest person I've ever met. You always make me smile and I care so much about you. But I've never been good at this kind of thing and I don't want to mess this up."

Aether suddenly hugs Xiao tightly. His body tenses, surprised by the sudden display of affection, before practically melting in the florist's arms, burying his head into his neck. The two stand there for a while, lost in the moment until Aether eventually tries to pull away. But instead of letting him go, Xiao holds him even closer, tightening his grip around Aether.

"No... no, please... don't let go."

Aether smiles a little and hugs him back. "Okay, I won't. Please listen to me, though?"

At this point, all of Xiao's resolve was gone. He nods.

"I care a lot about you. You've been nothing but sweet to me. You've helped me grow the windwheel and you've been an amazing friend. Not to mention, your gracious patronage at the shop. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either. But I don't want to upset you. I'm confused right now about how I feel and... I thought it'd be easier just to push you away. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm here for you. Why don't we talk about it?"

"Okay, but can I have a moment? I have a lot I need to say, but I don't know how to say it."

Aether laughs a bit and nods, hugging Xiao closer. The rain has lightened up, so Aether uses the opportunity to brush Xiao's wet hair out of his face.

"Sure, take your time."

Xiao leans into Aether's gentle touch as his hand moves to rest on his cheek.

"Can we go over to my house tomorrow? I need some time to prepare."

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you then."