The Gravity of Gravity

Day One, Astrea Kai

-Day 137-

It's been a while since I started this journal. I guess that's redundant given the number written above. One hundred and thirty seven days of sitting here within these same seven walls (eleven if you count the bathroom, twenty-four and a half if you count the rest of my part of the hab, an incomprehensible number if you count every wall in the universe since I do exist within that). Once again I'm writing about how my potential has yet to be realized, about how my past gave me trauma, about how the future promises more.

Don't get me wrong, I'm hopeful the future will disprove that instinct, rendering it a dismissable anxiety in the following entries. But, I hesitate to trust that hope, to fully embrace it, to consider it true, because what is knowledge if not the most comfortable assumption?

It honestly feels like something profound is waiting beyond the next dawn, and I can't quite grasp its reality. I've always had a strong intuition, always have been able to anticipate the unexpected. I'm inclined to call it luck, but Clarity says coincidence is doubt in the face of truth. They also say expressing intention can influence the course.

So, I'll speak it into the universe: tomorrow, either I'll find a way to afford both food and rent, or that'll be the least of my worries, and I can finally focus on something else. I've been waiting for a chance to not be so beholden to Money. "Capitalism" is an old game, and I'm tired of seeing players drop because of it. I think we need to decide it's time for something else.

-Day 138-

I suppose deciding it's time for "something else" may be on an accelerated timetable after today's event. The LSD hasn't spoken, and the DMT is deafened, which is strange. I've always enjoyed Dr. Howard's insight, and MetaTech is usually pretty quick to respond. Could be they just want to be sure they handle the situation well. People can get weird when they're afraid. I guess that's something you have to consider when you're the Leader of Scientific Discovery.

I'm pretty sure everyone agrees the brief hiccup we all experienced wasn't a shared hallucination, though. Something happened. Something massive. People are screaming into the void that is the terranet about their theories, but I think what makes the most sense is that for a moment, for about 2 seconds, gravity didn't work. Or maybe it didn't exist. Or perhaps it existed differently? Whatever the case may be, I think those who survived can consider themselves lucky.

Even in my limited social bubble, I've started hearing of remarkably unfortunate consequences. The least unfortunate belongs to my neighbor, Ellie, who now has a very curious haircut. I'd say my having a bit of help getting out of bed this afternoon would be less unfortunate, but the cut really looks phenomenal on them.

Humor aside, nothing will ever be the same, and all I can do is wait for Admin to reduce me to a data point in The Conversation. At least everyone is there.

I might play NovaZone for a bit before getting back to work. I thought a new space rpg by Rockville Studios would be more popular, but I don't know anyone else playing it. Even OutsideConsole isn't really covering it. It's probably my favorite apex ever though. I know it was risky since one of their direct competitors is a quick trip to the moon, but I enjoy imagining an alternative reality. Probably why I'm still trying to make running analog games a viable career. Speaking of which, I need to finish preparing for tomorrow, assuming people will actually want to play after what happened.

Here's to hoping things work out.