The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 5? 6?}

Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

Scar: iuegrukfhoeuhfeoruhf
Grian: What is that?
Scar: it's a keyboard smash
Grian: How do I do it?
Scar: just press anything
Grian: 7

[----------]

Scott: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*
Jimmy: What did you do?!
Scott: NOBODY DIED!
Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

[----------]

Lizzie: Okay, help me, please!
Joel: Got two words for you.
Lizzie: I bet they won't be helpful.
Joel: Your problem.
Lizzie: I was right.

[----------]

Tango, confused and exasperated: Skizz, how do you plan on telling a bear to go vegan?
Skizz: Politely.

[----------]

Bdubs: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Etho without them noticing?
Skizz: Hey, Etho, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.
Etho: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.
Bdubs: ...

[----------]

Scott: I'm taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn't look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.
Martyn: Is that... bad?
Scott: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.
Martyn: Isn't that just causality?
Scott: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.
Martyn: So what are my odds?
Scott: Do you have a family history?
Martyn: Of what?
Scott: Just, in general.
Martyn: ...Yes?
Scott: Oh no.

[----------]

*Martyn and Ren's house is on fire, but they don't know it*
Martyn: Damn, it's hot in here.
Ren: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent!
Martyn:
Martyn: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is.
Ren: What?
Martyn: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW.

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Etho: *on the phone with Tango* I can't talk right now, I'm doing hot girl shit.
Tango: You're pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren't you.
Etho: Maybe.

[----------]

Grian: We need a plan to beat them.
Joel: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.
Grian:
Joel: Judge me all you want, I get results.

[----------]

Lizzie: *slams books down in front of Cleo*
Lizzie: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It's gonna be a long night.
Cleo: You could of said literally anything else.
Lizzie: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.
Cleo: I'm going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won't win. I realize this now.

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Big B: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Cleo?
Cleo: ...Not really.
Big B: Nothing?
Cleo: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.