See You In High School

July 15th, 2000

I blew out the candles of my tiny sliced cake, my mom clapping her hands and whooping in excitement, "Happy birthday, honey bear!" I finally turned four. This was one of my first memories. One of my most memorable ones.

My mom hummed to herself as she washed dishes, leaving me to enjoy my slice of cake. I slowly took bites of my slice, feeling guilty that I couldn't share with mom, "Birthday cake is only for the birthday boy! If I had a piece, I'd have bad luck for a week." She'd tell me. I was young so I believed her. Little did I know it was because she couldn't afford more than a small slice of cake. Even if I knew of the fake rule, I still felt bad. I haven't seen her eat in maybe a week.

I sighed as I finished my plate, my mom coming over to take it and kiss me on the cheek. She walked away to wash off the dirty plate, "Go finish your homework, sweetie." She said, giving me a soft smile before looking out the window above the sink. I nodded and walked to my room.

I slipped out a workbook and my pencil, tapping at the paper as I began working on it. After what felt like hours - maybe fifteen minutes or so - I heard a plate break. I jumped and twisted my head to my door, concerned at what the noise came from, "Mom?" I called out, slamming my book closed and setting it on my bed. She didn't answer.

I got up and walked out of my room, "Mom?" I called out again, slowly creeping down the small hallway of the house. She still didn't answer. The closer I got to the kitchen, the more I heard soft sobs and sniffles. I peeked into the kitchen to see my mom slouched on the floor, her hands holding her up as she cried. I looked next to her to see what caused the noise - a broken plate. I felt pain and sorrow twist in my chest as I watched her. I slowly stepped into the kitchen, cautiously walking to her, "It's okay, mom."

She darted her eyes to me, tears streaming down her face. She turned to me and wrapped her arms around me, sobbing into my shoulder, "I'm so sorry... I'm sorry, baby." She repeated, squeezing me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her as she held me, tears swelling in my eyes as she sobbed quietly into my shoulder.

I never knew why she was crying - or why she was sorry.

I didn't care.

I wanted to be there for her no matter what she did. And I'm glad I thought about how she wouldn't be here for the rest of my life. Because it was true. But...

I never realized how soon she would leave me.