Dear Harry (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Ch.8

Dear Harry,

Today you called me. It was very overwhelming to hear your voice. I was thrilled to talk to you and have some form of communication, but it also saddened me, reminding me how far away you really are. The static telephone line did not do your beautifully husky voice any justice. I gave you an update about me, but all I wanted was to know what was going on with you. You didn't tell me much about the army and what has been happening where you were, and frankly, I didn't mind. You and I both knew that I would worry way more than I needed to if I knew what was going on. 

I giggled as you told me about how vulgar the food is, "Nothing compared to my Ella Wella's cooking," you said.

The duration of the call was ten minutes and fifty three seconds, and a lot of that time was consumed by awkward breaks in my voice from the awful tightening of my throat, my tears threatening to spill. 

Finally, the dreaded time came when you had to get off the line. 

"I'm so sorry El, I gotta go, there is a line of people waiting to use the pay phone," you said, the guilt evident in your voice.

"It's okay," I whispered, sorrow filling the bottom of my gut.

"I'll be back before you know it, just hang in there. I love you so much."

"I love you too," I mumbled, choking on my tears.

"Don't forget to eat," was the last thing you said before hanging up.

A huge knot grew in my stomach, realizing that once again, I was alone in a world without my other half. My best friend, the only boy in the entire universe that I have loved. The person that cared about me the most, constantly reminding me to eat, even though The Incident was years ago.

Well, I guess it's that time... the moment I have been anticipating to write about since you gave me this journal- to retell The Incident, and relive all of the emotions I went through. It has got to be one of the worst times of my life, and yet a tiny sliver of me cherishes it, knowing that we wouldn't be where we are today if it never happened.

It was around the same time as when I noticed all of your changes- the voice, the face, the chest. Your newfound love of girls that were everything I wasn't. The girls you began to surround yourself with were like human barbies- long, bleached hair, skinny, tan legs, boatloads of makeup, and uncovered, enormous chests. It was the first time you started to really use your popularity with girls to your advantage, while I was left in the dust. These girls would follow you around- disrupting our time together- and you didn't mind at all. You loved it, actually.

More and more, I would think about how I would never be good enough for you. I was only Ella. I didn't have blond hair, and I never wore an ounce of makeup. I didn't have obnoxiously large breasts and I didn't wear extremely revealing clothing. Before, I was okay with who I was, and I accepted myself. I was comfortable in my own skin, until I saw the kind of things you were attracted to. I began looking at myself with such hate, loathing the fact that I couldn't be like them. I would stare at my reflection in the mirror, seeing nothing but a fat, ugly girl.