Freefall

Second Chapter

I could hear Lisa and the boys before they were halfway down the hall to my room. Two one-year-olds and a hospital—not exactly a recipe for peace and quiet.

As I listened to them getting closer, I moved my bed into a more upright position and did my best to make my appearance acceptable. However, wearing three casts didn't make it an easy task. A moment later, the door burst open with shouts of "Teg! Teg!"

My grin was genuine as I held out my one good arm for a hug. "There they are!" I exclaimed as Grant and Freddy barreled towards me.

Close behind them, my older sister, Lisa was wearing a strained smile. As I glanced towards her, the door to my room was shutting, and a man standing in the hallway caught my attention. He was dressed like a nurse with a clipboard in one hand, but he had a look of confusion on his face. Just before the door clicked shut, he looked up and our eyes met. As soon as he saw me, his eyes widened, and he took a step forward. Then the door blocked my view of him.

A sharp pain in my arm got my attention. "Ow!" I exclaimed, looking down.

Freddy was staring at me with wide eyes. "Teg? Boo-boo?" he asked soulfully.

I thought I saw little tears welling up in his big eyes, and I quickly smiled at him. "Just a little one," I assured him. A tap on his nose was enough to distract him into giggling.

Within moments, both of the boys were enthralled with the big, white things that had replaced Aunt Meg's legs, and after being warned by Grandma not to touch, they leaned against the side of the bed and stared.

"So . . ." Lisa attempted to break the ice, and the shattering pieces of it hurt my ears.

I did my best impression of the "Big-Lisa-Smile" that was famous in Mother's stories. "So, Lis, what's new with you?"

She frowned disapprovingly at me as she made her way to the chair next to Mom's. "I didn't come here to talk about myself, Meg."

"Oh, so you came to talk about me?" I asked as innocently as I could.

My sister pursed her lips, looked at her knees, and then gave Mom a pleading look that she thought I couldn't see. As much as I loved the two little boys trying to poke the casts around my legs when their Grandmother wasn't looking, most of the time I wished they didn't come with their own mother.

Lisa was six years older than me, and a perfect mother, child, and, supposedly, sister. How other people thought that when she wasn't their sister, I didn't know. Ever since I could understand words I heard "Lisa this" and "Lisa that." "Isn't Lisa's boyfriend so nice?" and "wasn't the way Greg proposed to Lisa so cute?" and "wasn't that ceremony so pretty?"

All I heard was "why don't you have a boyfriend, Meg?" and "why aren't you engaged yet, Meg?" and "do you have your wedding planned yet, Meg?"

For some parents, having a doctor for a kid was their greatest ambition. Apparently, my parents' greatest ambition was for their daughters to get hitched, live in suburbia, and have the man earn the bread. Mom always said she was proud of my dream, but she asked about my love life more often.

Lisa was back to staring at her knees since Mom wouldn't give her any help. Maybe falling off of a twelve-story building was the best way to get her off my case. Perhaps I should try it more often. Not.

"Hey, boys, why don't you draw some pretty artwork on my casts, huh?" I glanced at my mom. "There are markers somewhere, right?"

"I'm sure we can find some." She stood to do just that.

Within twenty minutes, Grant and Freddy had crowded onto my bed with me and were happily coloring on my legs. I tried not to wince when they accidently sat on me.

"So, Meg, how's school going?" Lisa asked when the sound of squeaking markers became too much to bear.

"Oh, yeah, school's been great. Especially since I jumped off of a building. You know, that really helped the grades."

"I'm trying to have a real conversation here, Meg. You don't have to be so, so . . ." Her jaw clenched and, she glanced towards her children.

"So what, Lisa? I jumped off of a building, and I'm lying in a hospital bed. You're just going to ignore that? That's not going to make it go away. So what am I, huh?"

"Meg," Mom said as she gave me the disapproving look that mothers know how to give so well.

"I'm really trying here," Lisa told me, jaw still tense.

"This is trying?" I scoffed.

"At least I didn't try to kill myself!" she shouted, jumping to her feet. "Gosh, Meg, you're so selfish, you know that! You have so many people rooting for you. Do you have any clue what you put Mom and Dad through so that you could fulfill a childhood whim? And you were so close and all of the sudden you decided to throw it away! How could you do that to everyone?"

"At least I didn't reel in a lawyer so that I wouldn't have to go to college like you!"

I had forgotten all about the other occupants of the room until Grant started crying. He had never seen his mother so angry, and he'd never heard his aunt yell. Protectively, I reached for him.

Mother's face was red as she stood up, trying to remain calm. "I'm ashamed of you both," she said, voice quavering. She quickly hurried from the room. Before the door shut, I heard her burst into tears and winced.

Lisa was clenching and unclenching her fists. "I'm going to take my children and leave now. Grant, Freddy, it's time to go."

Grant began to wail even when she pulled him out of my arms, well, one arm, and dragged Freddy after her. That's when he started crying too. I watched them leave, biting my lip. The door clicking shut behind them sounded as loud as a gunshot, and I winced again.

I leaned my head back against the pillows and grabbed a fistful of sheets. I wanted to cry or scream, but only in my mind. My heart, my eyes, my mouth; they weren't cooperating. I just felt numb. I felt as if I should do something, but it's not as if I could go after any of them.

I glanced down at my legs. On one side was drawn what appeared to be a blob with eyes. There was grass under the blob and something yellow in the sky. It was square, but I think it was supposed to be the sun. On the other leg was a rainbow of squiggles.

It was half an hour before Mom returned. Her eyes were puffy, but she was composed again.

"I wish you wouldn't rile your sister up like that," she said after a long silence.

"Me?" I asked in shock. "She practically accused me of trying to end my life on a whim!"

"Well what did happen, honey?"

I stared at her, feeling helpless under the pain in her eyes. "I . . . I don't know."

She gave a sad nod and frowned, picking up the magazine that she had been reading before Lisa's arrival. That was the end of it. She thought I wouldn't tell her. She didn't believe that I couldn't tell her.

I opened my mouth, but had nothing more to say, and she continued to read.

An hour later, she set the magazine aside and came over to the bed. "I have to go now. Your father has had to work so many extra hours lately, and I'd like to be able to have a hot meal for him when he comes home. I'll stay if you want, though, hon. He would understand. He wishes he could be here more himself."

"No, no, you should go. I'll be alright."

She nodded, leaned in to kiss my forehead, and then gathered her things. With a final wave, she was out the door, and I let out a sigh. As much as I loved her, all I felt was pressure when she was around these days. Disappointment and pressure.

With a sick feeling, I wondered if what Lisa had said was true. Was I really that way? The thought made me wish that the fall really had done what it was supposed to.

But I hadn't chosen to jump. I had never left my bed that night, I reminded myself. This was a sick joke, if that's what it was. I had never wished to be dead until after I should have been.

With a sigh, I reached for a book and resigned myself to a long night.