The First Jumper

03: Gerleesh: Cursed

Over the next few days, Gerleesh began the process of pouring herself into her child. The first part was easy and natural, as her body produced the genetic material that bonded with the egg and fertilized it. Then, as the egg quickened, Gerleesh would begin connecting to her child directly from her own spirit. Long before the child was hatched, she would be fully aware of her mother, and of her mother's love for her.

By that time, Gerleesh would have broken free of her physical body, becoming nearly immortal. Once she had hatched an egg, Gerleesh would be able to maintain her body almost indefinitely, with the help of other Tarshen.

At work, the news continued to be grim. Gerleesh's section of the Sky Research Group was evaluating the effects on planetary ecology of the recent flares. They were more devastating than Gerleesh had let on to her mother.

Gerleesh continued to work, feeling happy and excited despite the bad environmental news, although with a full pouch, she tended to bump into things. She could feel her body working to fertilize the egg, but she had not yet sensed that it had done so. Soon, she knew, that most wonderful feeling of them all would come from knowing her child was growing within her.

In the meantime, her spirit was already winding up to pour itself into her child. It was not merely a birth, it was a metamorphosis. In giving birth to her first child, Gerleesh would transform into something far beyond what she had been. The excitement and anticipation kept her spirits up, even when she realized it was taking longer than it should.

Another week went by before she began to worry. Her mother told her not to worry, but Gerleesh went to see a hatching specialist anyway. The specialist took a number of tests, then pulled Gerleesh aside to a comfort couch.

"I'm sorry," the specialist told her. "The egg has not quickened."

Noooooo! It was her greatest fear. "It just needs more time!" Gerleesh began shaking with grief.

"There is nothing we can do," said the specialist. "It looks like the egg was never viable to begin with, and it has already bonded itself with the inside of your pouch. It isn't your fault. Sometimes this just happens."

Devastated, Gerleesh looked around. This can't be happening! Mother, where are you? She needed her as never before, but she knew her mother was on the far side of the city, and would not be able to hear her grief.

Desperately, she clung to the specialist. "What can I do?" Please tell me there is hope for me.

The specialist sighed. "I'm afraid there isn't anything you can do," she said. "We'll post the notices, so G'hosh is not allowed to place any more eggs, since it was her egg that was bad. You appear to be normal, except that this egg will never hatch, and you will never be able to accept another egg."

If I can't accept another egg, then, then ... The world was swirling about her, but she grabbed for the only support she could think of.

"Isn't there some kind of surgery that will fix this?"

"There is, yes, but it is both experimental and very expensive. It is only done for those who have performed extraordinary service to the Tarshen people." She got up. "Wait here a moment."

Gerleesh sat empty in the sterile office, though it was filled with plants and flowers and life. Red Loffa bloomed, and beetles flew in and out. Yet all she could see was death.

Her pouch, which she had thought was so full of life, was now equally full of death. Not only would her daughter never come to be, Gerleesh herself would never be able to join with her mother and all her ancestors. The bonded, dead egg would be a part of her for the rest of her life, and she could never give or receive another.

I will never have a child, and I will die alone. She would never hear the songs of her mothers. She might live a thousand or more years, but it would be just one life, too quickly over, and gone forever. She would never know the stories, never be one with her ancestors, never have a child, and she would die alone. Alone, alone, alone!

The specialist came back in and handed her a pamphlet. "Here. This describes the procedure, as well as what you have to do to qualify for it. I didn't want to give you false hope. Not many qualify."

Gerleesh thanked her, and left in a daze. All through the ride home, she stared out the window of the tube, at the rock walls punctuated by flashes of open communities, with signs, gardens, and Tarshen walking about. Never, never, never, the flashes of sound seemed to chant as the capsule passed through the open areas.

For a brief time, the tube was above ground, and she looked up to where the binary stars were still visible, although the sun had gone down. Maybe the old myths were right after all, she thought. Maybe that is a devil in the sky, because it certainly has cursed me.