Temporarily His

Chapter 35

BANNER OFF TO THE SIDE WAS MADE BY Monsoon!!!

Thank you for all the beautiful long comments last chapter I LOVED them. 

(Do I wanna know)

If this feeling flows both ways?

(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you'd stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day

So have you got the guts?
Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts
Simmer down and pucker up
I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you
I don't know if you feel the same as I do Artist: Arctic Monkeys Song:Do I Wanna Know

"Despite what they say, I dont see much of the beauty in goodbye."-Aubrey Taylor

Blaze’s Pov.

“We have to go to the caterer today,” I mumbled into my pillow but I knew she heard me. She was lying right next to me in one of my sweatshirts and a pair of leggings. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes lit up with hope.

“So do we have to get married?” I’ve learned a while ago how to hide my emotions and how to read others’.

“No, most likely not. We are going to call it off before then, I’m going to blame it on myself. I’ll say something about picking my job over you too much.” I replied firmly thought it wasn’t what I wanted; it was what needed to happen.

“Oh,” her voice wavered. “Okay, I’m going to go get something to drink then we can leave.” She looked like she was sick, but I knew what was wrong and I wasn’t going to comfort her this time. This was a heavy pill that we both had to swallow, though I was practically forcing her to.

I knew what she was doing and it needed to stop. She was getting attached after I told her not to. She could and I wouldn’t let her love me. I realized that I have made a mistake by buying her that café. I was giving into that desire that I could keep her when I knew that it’d be selfish of me to do. Even though I thought I was incapable of it, it happened. But I wasn’t going to let her stay because of it. I was already being selfish enough by being so damn affectionate towards her and making her fall in love. I wasn’t going to make her be cursed by being with me. 

No matter how much Sage thought we were, I am no good for her. I want her to have better. They say if you love something then let it go and that’s what I’ll do, but I don’t want her coming back. I’ve put her though enough. I liked it better when she hated me. Zac warned me but like an idiot I fucked up and didn’t listen. I think deep down I knew what I was getting myself into because for once it’s something, she something that I truly want. I hate myself for being in love with her because I’m only disappointing myself. I know that at the end of the day I didn’t deserve her, I never liked having a weakness. Weaknesses can only be used against you, and honestly that fact scared me.

 I can only keep floating in the river of denial only so long before I drown in it. Besides even if I was selfish enough to keep her in my life, my Father would make sure to ruin her family’s life and that was more important than my happiness. Because her family was her happiness, and her happiness is mine.

It’s been a month and a half and I still can’t get enough, and he she asked me to take her all the way that night, not matter how much I wanted to, lord knows I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t. It was just another thing with her that I didn’t deserve. I know I told her someone who loved her should have it, but even though I loved her someone who could give her the world should have that. No matter how angry that thought alone made me. Being alone was hat I was meant to be, I was programmed that way. I hurt her in so many different ways possible. First I said so many mean things to her, I’m ungrateful when she’s just trying when she’s just trying to help me she didn’t need the added stress to her life.