STAY

15.

As I parked in the parking lot in front of the gym and the training center, I felt my heart pump faster. Maybe it had been a mistake to come? Maybe I shouldn't have? I might have just been overdoing the whole situation, making it a bigger issue than it actually was. But at the same time, I couldn't deny the panic I felt inside of me after the flashbacks on the day after the party, and the feeling hadn't left yet. It never left. I could feel it all the time. The only time I didn't feel it was when I was sleeping.

I think my body thought that talking to Michael, who was there, who took me away from the situation, would make it feel a lot better. As I entered the building, I still wasn't sure if this had been the right thing to do. But there was no turning back now.

It was empty. My heart sunk to my stomach and I was about to leave, but suddenly I heard a hard punch at one of the punching bags in the back of the gym. I couldn't really see if it was Michael, but I decided to go check. If I was lucky, it could've been him.

As I walk through the gym and towards the punching bags, I saw Micheal's tall figure standing opposite a big red punching bag. It didn't seem like he had any boxing gloves on. Didn't that hurt?

I stood there for a couple of seconds, before he spoke.

"How did you know I was here?". He didn't even turn around to look at me. I simply couldn't manage to answer his question. I was shocked at the way his voice sounded. As if he hadn't been there on Saturday. As if he was a stranger, as didn't know me.

"It's not polite to follow other people around you know...", trying to joke, Michaels tone sounded strained. As if he really didn't want me to be there either. Maybe this had been a mistake?

"I asked your friends", was the only thing I could answer. His coldness had taken me off guard.

"And they told you that I was here?". He sounded surprised.

"They assumed"

Without further warning, Michael punches the punching bag, out of nowhere, and I jumped. I wasn't prepared for the big smash the bag was going to make.

Michael, still having his back on me, walked over to his bag and took out what looked like a water bottle. I wasn't sure since I could only see his back, but I assumed. His white loose tank top was completely sweaty and his hair was drained.

After a couple of seconds of silence, I realized that I had to say what I wanted to say, or else I would never be able to ask him.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?". Michael seemed to stiffen, but he didn't answer. "I tried calling you since Saturday afternoon". Still no answer. "Tell me what happened!". I knew that I sounded desperate, but his silence was killing me.

"You don't remember?", Michael asks in a surprised tone as he turns around to look at me. His eyes seemed different. He looked tired. Like sleep hadn't been his main priority the last few days. "You don't remembered what happened that night?"

"I only remember parts. Some things I know perfectly well, others I'm not sure off. And there are probably things that I don't remember at all", I said, before I repeated my question. "Why did you not call me back?"

If there was any form of concern inside of him, it was gone by now. His eyes seemed to grow darker and his frown grew deeper as he turned around and started putting things back in his bag. "It is none of your business"

Frustration was starting to grow inside of me. What?

"Not my business? It is more my business than it is yours! I called you to get to pick me up that night! I called you the day after, and you didn't pick up or even call me back. I deserve an explanation about!", I could hear my voice starting to sound desperate, but I didn't care. I was desperate. Desperate for Michael to open up to me. To understand that I was trusting him, only him, to be there with me through this situation. Not like anything else than a friend.

In frustration, Michael turns around and leans against the bench where he had his bag on. "Well I'm sorry Sunshine, but you can't always get what you want".

That's when I exploded. When I got tired of the bullshit.

"Don't you call me that ever again!", I screamed at him as I started tearing. "I was so stupid for even coming here. In the first place, I came because I was worried about you. I thought something might have happened. But I also came, because I really needed someone to talk to!"

He seemed speechless.

"And here you are, punching a stupid punching bag, as if you were the one that was followed by a creep! As if you were the one he was trying to pull up the skirt of! Here you are, the one person that I asked for help, rejecting me the right to be comforted! I even regret coming here, thinking you would bother to give me an answer!"

I turned around, away from him and started walking towards the door. I was feeling so tired inside, yet so relieved. Even though the anxiety inside of me didn't disappear completely, it diminished.

I walk out through the door, towards the car, wiping my face. I had completely embarrassed myself. But I didn't care. I couldn't feel worse than I already did.

I heard the gym door open and footsteps coming behind me. Before I reached the car, I felt a firm grip on my upper arm.

"Oliva wait", he said as we both stop. I turn around to look at him. Even though I didn't want to, I was curious to hear what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry", he started and his soft voice returned. "I'm really sorry. But what happened on Friday was just too much for me to handle. I didn't..."

"You couldn't handle it?", I interrupted him. "YOU are the one that can't handle it?!", now my tears started flushing down my cheeks.

He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at me. He knew I was right. He knew I had made a point. If it had been hard on him, for whatever reason, how did he think it was for me? I hadn't told anyone yet. And I wouldn't tell anyone. Not if I didn't have to.

"Exactly",I said and walked towards my car. This time he didn't follow me any further.Even though I deep down inside of me wanted him to, I knew one part of mewanted to be alone.