No Longer a Bastard

VIII

Among the things that he had done for his relationship with Cersei, he knew that this one was the most barbaric of all. He, a knight, who vowed to protect the innocent stained his hands with innocent blood after the pushed the boy who was barely ten from the window of the broken tower.

He felt so guilty and so disgusted with himself that he tried his best to avoid the Starks as much as possible. Their presence in proximity reminds him of the cruelty that he has done to their kin. Aside from that, he also avoided Cersei. He doesn't understand why she doesn't even feel any remorse nor guilt about what happened and just pretended that everything is the same.

His action to protect his relationship with Cersei and their children, no, her children, was unjustifiable. But still, he didn't expect that out of all the damned towers and walls in Winterfell, the bloody boy decided to climb the tower that he and Cersei are in.

He was not a good man or a saint but the years that he had spent with Cersei and their secret relationship it was the first time that someone was harmed. Robert doesn't count because it was his fault in the first place how this happened. He knew that when he spent his days in the Kingsguard that his relationship with Cersei should end but when he came to her that day, crying her heart out when Robert called another name instead of hers, he felt his heart was being squeezed tightly.

She asked her then, to get her revenge, to put an heir on the Iron Throne who's not Robert's. At first he disagreed but then when Robert started dishonouring his marriage to his sister and when he saw how the man would hit and humiliate her when he was drunk, he gave in to his sister's wishes because he loved her. And there is nothing he wanted to do but to make her happy.

And she had said that it would really make her happy to see Robert's legacy die with him.

He can still remember her wide smile the day Joffrey was born but that moment; she started to push him out of her life. He gave her an heir, a son, his son. But he found it cruel that he can't even hold his children, claim them as his own, touch them, and play with them because his sister doesn't want him to, because she doesn't want Robert to suspect.

When their firstborn was born, he asked her if she wanted to run away with him, go to the Free Cities where no one will ever know them. To a place where they can't be reached by their father and Robert.

However he felt hurt when Cersei laughed at him and rejected his offer calling him delusional in the process. It pained him to think that despite his efforts to make her happy; one of which was giving up his birth right of being the heir of Casterly Rock, marry and have children, still Cersei won't give up power for him.

He knew that Cersei won't leave because of her goal to rule Westeros over their son. And he knew that his sister was already formulating a plan to dispose of the King so that Joffrey could rule in a young age and she'll become his regent.

He doesn't understand how his father, Tyrion and Cersei would crave for power when he never want any of it. That may be the reason why his Aunt Genna would often tell him that of all his siblings he was the only one who took after their mother, her kindness and her love for simplicity. But he knew well that he wasn't that kind at all. He had done things that he was ashamed of, like pushing Bran Stark from the window hoping that he will die and his and Cersei's secret die with him.

He stood up from the chair near the window when suddenly someone knocked on his door. He went to check it and was surprised to see a serving girl. She looked at him shyly and he just raised an eyebrow in response.

"Ser, the king has summoned you to his solar. He wished to talk to you." The girl said before she left without even getting a response.

Without even thinking of changing or straightening his doublet, he went to seek the king on his borrowed solar. His fellow brothers were there standing on guard and he nodded at them before he knocked on the door.