Us - The Mess // COMPLETED

4 - I need my own life

Please remind, that when you are Scott, your lines are written in bold and italic font. You will be jumping in time during the chapter, sorry about that. Let's go!

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Something has changed. I can't really tell what exactly, but it is the fact. I always had a feeling that when Scott was born, someone somehow stole a piece of sun and when nobody was watching, hid it in the Scott's chest. I know him for ages and better than anybody else does and I can tell he has the sun in his chest since the beginning.

If he was truly happy, his all body was radianting. When you look into his blue eyes and you are the lucky one, you are able to have a view of a wide ocean with whole pallet of blue color and sun above it. Scott's energy is legen...wait for it...dary. Of course, it is – have u ever heard of solar power? When he is fully concentrated, you can physically feel the heat around his figure. I think that is why he is quite sweaty even when he isn't doing anything.

This is Scott. This is how he always was. It is so natural for me that I somehow thought it would be like this forever...

Let's stay figurative – it is like something broke the solar system. The sun is still there, but isn't producing any energy. Scott isn't heating or radiating anymore. He starts to wears sleeves instead of his favorite top tanks. Does he feel colder? The sea behind his eyes has nonstop sunset mode. I can't see him like that, but how can I help him? I don't know the source of this break down, how can I fixed it then?

My personal life can't be any better. I have a boyfriend, how cool is that? I'm still not over my feelings to Scotty but Beau can be very persuasive with his feelings to me and that is quite hot. I have all his attention and he treats me mighty fine.

I got roses, surprising trips, matching cloths – I can't be happier. I missed all of it last years, which I spent with one or two nightstands. Using this bridge – the sex life is soooo good! I am quite demanding but Beau sure knows his advantages. So overall I am happy happy joy joy! The only thing, which concerns me is odd Scott's state of mind.

Days are coming and going and I have no idea what is the specific day. I'm not in mood to do anything. Mitch is spending his time with his boyfriend more often than he used to with previous guys. It scares me. When he is not at home I am just lying on a couch and I am swimming in the black river of my thoughts. I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I am acting like girls in harlequin books. I'm thinking and overthinking and daydreaming how it could be. How it should be. I cancelled most of my planned activities. I can't imagine to go further than to pick up my Starbucks. I have a power to do it only because of Mitch is still coming with me. That is the only thing, which left from our daily routine.

"Daddy? Hello?" Mitch came back earlier from the date. I hope he is fine. Heartbroken me is still better than heartbroken Mitchy.

"Queen? Heeere! What's up?"

He sat next to me and looked at me with an excitement: "I have a huge news to tell you!"

Wait a minute. W a i t a fucking minute. I hope he is not engaged?! He looks so happy. OK Hoying let's make as the best supportive face as you can: "Wow! Tell me Kissyboy! You can't hold it anyway, can you."

Mitch breathed in and slowly said: "I will...." My heart almost stopped. "....go to Paris! Can you believe it? Paris, baby!" Ufff what a relieve! "Scott are you ok? I thought you will faint in a second."

He looked like he really cared. Did he cared about me? Then maybe I have a hope. "That is such a great news! I'm so happy for you. When? For how long? Is some kind of fashion event there? That is a long journey sis! Do you want me to occupy you on the road?"

He looked sadly in my eyes and quietly said: "That is so kind of you Scotty, but I am going with Beau, you know? Romantic Paris? Romantic New Year's Eve?"

"We will not spend New Year together." I murmured.

"No Scotty. I'm sorry." He gently stroked my hand and walked to the kitchen.

He took it worse, that I thought. I didn't say anything bad, did I. I don't understand why is he not happy with me...For me...

- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . –

Mitch flew away yesterday and I have to think through what I should do with my unpredictable free holidays. I decided to call my two closest friends Mark and Mason. They are cute couple but somehow they don't care that I am often their third wheel.

"Hi Mark I have a crazy idea! Wanna hear it? Let's fly to Maui! No I am not insane. No, it is not a joke I mean it! Yaaaz? Really? Jeeesus! I will arrive and we will talk about details. Lunch? That sounds great – this lady is always hungry! OK! Bye!"

Suddenly the day was brighter and I feel warmer. I have a thing to look forward – friends and food. What a perfect combination!"

- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . –

The Paris was great! We had such a great time I didn't want to go back, though I missed Scott somehow. Thanks God he is a ninja of content and he posted so many photos that I was sort of with him. I not divine that those three boys have a ship name already – Scomarson. That is fcute!

I'm looking forward to reunion with my noodle. I haven't laughing till tears for quite a long time and Scotty is the one, who can always made me laugh no matter what. We will have to travel to New Orleans for a performance with PTX, but that is OK, we will hang out in our hotel room as usual. I can't wait! Things are getting to be normal! Great! As it was before!

That was a bad prediction.

- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . –

I'm always nervous before the Sup3rfruit live stream. You never know, what we will accidentally say or do. Scott loves it and that means I love it too.

Things went quite good. Except the fact, that Scott is still quite touchy regardless I am not single. He kissed me on my arm, hug me, pinch me and said publicly my pet sassy name. Except for that, it was nice smooth funny episode.

Beau was writing to me during the episode, which was a little distracting, but sweet. Until...

Scott said with a huge smile: "You are my spirit animal." I answered without thinking: "Thank you so much. That's actually problematic." A shade covered his face when he replied, looking down at his hands: "I know."

That was horrible. I didn't mean it to sounds like that. I still love him in a certain way and he is my forever soulmate. Why did I say it like that?... It was almost the end of streaming when someone asked us if we are still living together...

I asked Scott: "Do you want to move out?" Scott replied in hurry and surprised face: "Do I move out? No. I think I will buy a house for living." I got confused: "If you buy another one, would you..." Scott suddenly cut in: "What? You to live there? Yes!"

That sentence hit me like a train. I somehow managed the situation not to continue with this topic. But I felt uncomfortable until the end.

Thousands thoughts in my head. I didn't really imagine that if Scott will buy a house, he will presume, that I will be there too. I know it always was like that. This is not what Beau wants. I mean this is not what I want.

It seems that another painful discussion is infront of us and I'm so not ready for it...

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Thank you for reading this story. I love every single comment - please don't be shy to be critical.

What do you think about the moving out situation? How will Scott take it? Will he find a relief with Mark and Mason? If you like Scomarson, I think you should be looking forward to the next chapter.