Anti jokes are jokes where you don't deliver the punch line people expect. (THE MORE YOU KNOOOOOWWW)
I can still remember my Grandpa's last words before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What has four fingers and a thumb and looks human?
A severed hand.
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
What did one Japanese man say to the other?
I've no idea, I don't speak Japanese.
Why are people like drums?
Hit them with a stick and they make a noise.
Take your age and add five years to it...
That's your age in five years.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the species.
What did the muffin say to the tin can?
Nothing, muffins can't talk.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
Why are hamsters like cigarettes?
They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
What starts with "e", ends with "e" and only has one letter in it?
e.
You know what's really odd?
Numbers that aren't divisible by two.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
He didn't. There was a lot of traffic so he thought better of it.
A visibly tired and stressed guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender asks, "Long day?"
"No, all days are 24 hours long," the guy replies, amazed at the bartender's lack of education.
What do you call one hundred rabbits walking backwards?
Anything you like, they can't understand you.
What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a llama?
An animal abuse lawsuit.
Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?
Because he only uses the finest ingredients.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
An eagle and a squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer plough his field.
The squirrel turns to the eagle but doesn't say anything because squirrels can't talk
The eagle then eats the squirrel because he's a bird of prey
Why didn't Mary go to the party?
Because she wasn't invited.
How do you kill a blonde?
There are many ways but all of them are wrong because murder is illegal.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
A guy walks into a bar...
Then he gets a drink and leaves.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Steve.
Steve who?
Steve proceeds to break down into tears because his Grandmother's Alzheimer's has advanced to the stage where she no longer remembers him.
What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?
Probably still Santa Claus, however he doesn't exist so it doesn't really matter.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He's treated with great respect because he's such a talented actor.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a 'V' formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is?
Because there are more geese in that line.
Why is a laser beam like a goldfish?
Because neither one can whistle.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
YOU ARE READING
Dark Jokes.
Humorverrryyy dark Jokes, and don't get offended by these, they are not my jokes I did not make them (mostly), so don't go raving at me.
