The Final Female

Chapter Eight

Zander was staring at me. Just staring. I felt like slapping him, if anyone should be staring it should be me.

"I can't believe you're alive." He had passed his stage of glee at seeing me, now he had succumbed to the shock.

"Is it so impossible to believe that I survived? I was alive when you left me." I was so incredibly happy to see him, but there was still a sliver of sadness at how he could have left me.

"I wasn't meant to leave you Lex! I was trying to protect you!"

"How on earth would leaving me alone protect me?" I was trying to understand, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

"There was a group of them on both sides. It wasn't just the men that killed Dad that were there Lex. While you were looking at Dad, another group grabbed me. They questioned me, asked me if there was anyone other than Dad travelling with us. I was confused at first, I thought they must have seen you. But it turns out they didn't. You were hidden by our camp tent and they must have been so caught up in grabbing me that they didn't notice you step out for Dad. I wanted to come back for you once I got free. But it was months before I was let go and by that point you could have been anywhere. So I found the Vivo and joined the scouting squad so that I could get out of here every so often and hope to God that I would see you somewhere while we were out."

It made sense. I don't know why I had always thought differently. I knew deep down he would never purposefully leave me, and I think it made it better for me to believe he was dead. I would rather wish death on myself than be in one more of those places filled with barbarians and real life monsters. I think there was a small part of me hoping he had just died quickly. I could feel the tears forming in the bridge of my eye. Everything over the last couple days was adding up. I was angry at myself for being caught again, after trying so hard to avoid everyone. I was overwhelmed by how different this place seemed so far. But most of all I was struck with this sense of no longer being alone. Ever since I was young I have had this ungodly fear of rejection and being alone. Yes, i could sit in my room, I loved my alone time, but I had this existential fear of everyone leaving me, and it had actually happened. Having Zander next to me was like the entire pacific ocean being lifted from my drowning body.

Arms were suddenly wrapped around me, my instinct was to kick back, but I realised this was a comforting hug, and I welcomed it wholeheartedly. 

"It's ok now Lex. I'm not going anywhere this time."

"I still can't stay here. It's not safe for me Zee."

"Well it's a hell of a lot safer than out there. Trust me Lex, I've been here for a while now, it's different, it's advanced... It's almost normal."

A scoff escaped my lips. 

"I'm serious Lex. I was on edge for my first few weeks too, but then I realised that there is no where better to be right now than here. You wouldn't have survived Lex. It was only a matter of time for you out there."

"Maybe I don't want to survive." I didn't mean that. 

"How can you say that! How can you be so selfish?"

"Selfish? What do you mean selfish?" 

"Lex. If you die, the entire human race dies with you."

"Well maybe I don't want that burden Zee! Have you ever thought about that! What if I don't want to be whored off to the highest bidder with only the intent of being the saving male who repopulated the earth."

"Jesus Lex! I'm not asking you to go get pregnant now! Maybe I just don't want to lose my sister!"

I turned away. I knew he was right. I had to live, whether I wanted to or not. My life wasn't mine to live now. The entire fate of whether or not humans lived for another century, or even just a decade was all on me. What if I was infertile? What if I had a boy, and they would just make me pop out another kid until I had a girl. What would my daughters life be like? What would become of her? With the perverted and deprived minds of the hundreds of men on this world, she would be a mother by her preteens. And so would my granddaughter, and my great granddaughter. Even if we had five girls each, it would still take decades for there to be enough of us in the world for a girl to finally have a normal life again. We would be going back in time. Womens rights would be soiled. We would be nothing again. Only here for the use of procreation. 

And I know it was selfish... But what about me? I'm too young to have a kid. I have no clue how to raise a kid, let alone a few if I need to keep having them. And I don't want to have some sleazy guy as their father. I want someone good. Someone I know would look after them if something were to happen to me. Someone to ensure that if I did have daughters, they would grow up safe and away from as many men as possible. 

And I want love. I use to dream of love. But I know that won't happen now. My damn ovaries are too precious to the men that surround me for them to allow me love.

"Lex, you ok?" I hadn't spoken in a while. I think I was crying. Turning my head back I nodded.

"Don't you want to find love Zander?" I whispered.

"Of course I do. But unfortunately the only girl left on the earth is my sister. But that's ok, because I can find love in other ways. For example, I love you, so much, and I'm the luckiest brother in the world to have their sister still alive. I will hold love in my heart for whoever the lucky man that you do fall in love with happens to be... as long as he looks after you... And eventually, I will hold love in my heart for the kids you do have, and I will love them as my own, and I will help you with every bone in my body to protect them from what the future holds."

"I love you Zee."

"I know."