Chapter 5: Guide To Alienation

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          I wasn't in the cell very long. I knew that I wouldn't be, because I was aware that since the sick people, they were killing prisoners as fast as they caught them. There was some fear that they disease was going to sweep Arizona all at once, and they didn't want prisoners being unkempt in the face of that. Not once did I think of it. They gave me two weeks in that cell before I got the shot through my veins. Fourteen days. Alone. The jail was an empty carcass of a different time, so I was really the only prisoner. Docile, sort of brain dead. The time for forgiveness was over, the time for me to live out my dream was done.
           And it was weird to me now, walking into Nasekin's house with that kind of attitude depressed into the back of my head. It was as if I wasn't even Tayas anymore, but I could feel that I wasn't really. We were all changing in some way now even if it wasn't obvious. As soon as we entered in the house, I could feel the air shift. Everyone's kids and spouses were there, all of them mingling with each other. For once, Nashi had also felt like an outcast here because her and I had no one to hold or be happy with. Even Olman had a wife who had the same hard, wrinkled look. Nashi and I were latched together.
            Nasekin's house looked like ours, but they had their own decor scattered everywhere. There were pictures of families, old, cheesy sayings scattered about the table. I found Nasekin's wife in the kitchen with most of the other wives and older children that were setting up for later. The food display was massive, and it made me wonder how Agitit's team could afford all of this food. Arizona, one of the states that was strong and luminous, had trouble even giving out portions equally.
            "What the fuck do you mean?"
             The rooms were separated into three groups. Wives and husbands, kids, and us. The soldiers were all laughing and carrying on in the dining room, but suddenly there was a slam and the air was quiet. It was a woman's voice, and Nashi pulled me along to see what was going on. None of us had our uniforms on, so I couldn't actually tell who it was, but Nashi was restraining her in minutes before she could hit Basha. Basha was gasping for air, holding her throat as if the woman grabbed her there. She was hiding the black veins that were beginning to show right in the center of her neck. No one else saw that.
            "Ashlit, calm down," Nashi whispered in a calm, wispy tone. "There are kids here. Your husband is here."
            Ashlit's eyes were not human-looking. They seemed to be spotted with black ink-like splotches right in her irises, and her whole pupil was tightened to an oval shape. When Nashi said those words, Ashlit's eyes started to turn back to normal, but she stormed off outside to where the pool was. Her husband ran after her. Everyone else seemed to sink into their chairs except... Orgeti. My face tightened as I saw him there, arms leaning on the dining table with a sinister stare at the vase of flowers in the middle.
            "I don't know why she freaked," Basha spat. "I was just talking about how nice Attas will be."
              The dinner part went on like usual, Nashi and I settling on the futon to keep in on the conversation about us. We all seemed to be going through different changes without any real warning, even Orgeti showed cracked skin on his knees. At least that was genuine about him. Everyone started talking in different conversations at the same time, and I was in this weird disposition of trying to listen to all of them. Maybe it was the freaky medicine, but I actually could listen to all of them at the same time. I shut my eyes and heard stories about all kinds of things. Even Nashi's.
            Nashi was a great bullshitter. She seemed to be telling everyone that she wasn't sad about her husband's death. She was hopeful. But you could hear it, the melancholy sound of her dread cutting her tone in pieces. A part of me felt sad. Whoever her husband was, she must've missed him more than words could describe.
           "Votipae, you got a kid, right?"
           My eyes snapped open to look at Backin. While his soft face waited for a reply, I felt the sudden urge to not reply. I gave in, though.
          "Yeah. Why?" I asked, confused.
          Backin looked at a kid that seemed apart from the others. He had the same freckle line as Backin. "Do you know what can boost a kid's confidence? Laikan isn't... fond on making friends."
After all this time, this hate and prejudice, one of them finally got the gut to ask me something. I thought about Acki, the first time he went to public school and came home with a mopey face. Laikan looked like Acki, too, soft and shy, yet there was a spark there that needed a moment to burn. I turned back to Backin who was anxiously waiting for my response.
          "Be there for him. That's really all you can do, especially now since you're not at home as much," I said.
           One of the women had come from the kitchen and announced dinner was ready. The kids had already gotten their food, and the husbands and wives were getting their fair share. We came out last, Nashi and I, and we got what was left of the already scavenged food. When we settled at the dining table, I noticed Ashlit never came back inside. They were out there in the cold, and I saw the silhouette of her crying into her palms. A chill went down my spine for a moment, so I turned back to my plate and ate in silence.
          "So, Tayas."
           The woman was stout, snuggling up to Orgeti with such a weird, faceless grin.
            "Yeah?" I responded.
            "I think it's fair to say that none of us have ever been to Arizona. What's it like down there?" she asked. Orgeti's wife was just as creepy as Orgeti.
             I tried to smile. "Hot. My mom used to say that it was less hot back in the day, but I wouldn't know about it."
            "I've always wanted to go. Even now I would like to go and be in the warmth."
            It was weird to me that anyone would say that, but then everyone at the table started agreeing with her and talking about how nice Arizona must be. Nashi covered her mouth as she refrained from laughing, and I seemed to twitch. Arizona? Great? That was comparing Oreo cookies to oatmeal raisin cookies. Arizona was a shit hole with nothing but starving, sunburned people, and the kids there were all crazy bastards.
           "I wouldn't live there," I scoffed.
           Nasekin's wife tilted her head. "No? I heard that it was a nice place to be, though."
           "The government must really lie to you guys up here." I pushed my hair from my head. "The air conditioners are on their last legs, we eat rationed food, and everyone there is just assholes."
            Olman grunted. "Rationed?"
            "You guys seriously don't know."
           The whole table shook their head except for Nashi. Nashi was watching everyone else's reactions as if this was the unbelievable part in the movie she was watching, and I smiled at her because this was unbelievable.
            "I can't think of anything state out there that's still safe to travel in without an aero-car, so there's your first bit of trivia," I told them. "The food rationing has been happening since the beginning of all this disease nonsense, and there weren't even any questions about water. Pools and any unnecessary uses were terminated. Everywhere."
             Olman seemed to shift. "I knew that. I didn't think it was real though because we were never actually briefed on it. Just rumors."
             Nashi burst with laughter. Everyone in the room froze for a moment before watching Nashi stand up and head to the kitchen.
             "It's real," I said, standing from the table. "Now of all times is the time to get suspicious. They're putting weird ass medicine in your body, changing your DNA." I could see some of the kids staring at me. "And maybe I'm not your best advocate for the job, but you all really need to research what they're doing."
              I escaped into the kitchen where I found Nashi no longer laughing but bleeding from her nose and mouth. No one else saw. Even when they looked at her, they couldn't see it, and I had no idea why. I pulled some paper towels from the rock and pushed them against her nose.
             "You're good at bullshitting," she smiled. "Well, stalling."
               I saw blood forming on our nice clothes. "You too."  

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