Creepypasta X Reader Lemon

......

This book is turning out to be more of a depression book than a Creepypasta book. I have a lot of issues, but I just feel bottled up because nobody cares enough to fucking listen.

I'm always there for anybody else, and in return I get abandoned like I've done something wrong. All the friends I have and only my cousin knows about my depression.

I'm sick of lying to all of you.

You've done nothing wrong, You've been there and some of you are open to listen. So I'll talk, cause I care about you all hopefully as much as you care about me.

I grew like any normal child in America, had tons of friends and never cared about looks. Anybody who was nice and loved to have fun was my friend to me, many had disabilities.....

Like me.

I'm going off the accordance of my mother, and when talking about my depression she told me doctor I have ADHD, though I highly doubt her because why should I believe her, she has never been there for me or even lifted a fucking finger to ask and treat like a sentient being with feelings, much less a daughter.

I lost my friends, she blamed me for being too 'mean'. Yelling in my face multiple times that I was the problem not even offering help.

I lost my happiness, she only cares about her own, so why would it bother her, just pretend to smile so I won't be an embarrassment to my family members.

I lost my will to live...... Tell me how much of a disappointment I am to make me even more depressed. That will surely make it better.

She's a living breathing jealous narcissist. I had lost weight over the summer, everyone congratulated me or breifly complemented me, except her. She called me fat, even if I fit the dress my Aunt had given me well.

She knew I was severly self conscious of my body.

And that I was so depressed, I starved myself all summer because I felt to unworthy to eat. I wanted to starve to death and leave this world but of course living under the same roof and still hasn't noticed are cared that I had eaten dinner, lunch or even breakfast.

I had a sexual relationship. I'm going into specifics, but he had numbed the pain of reality, of course he was my first and thinks started awkwardly, but I wouldn't have lost it any other way.

He made me look forward to actually waking up every day, it's like the struggles and pain throughout the day was washed away and no longer on my mind because of him. My mom hates him because of specifics that I can't get into, I know I'd say I'd open up but please understand I just can't okay?! I can't go into and I'm sorry I can't just trust me please? Please. No need to really be concerned on how our interactions went, he had no idea what he was doing at first, but always asked me if I was okay, and would stop if it'd hurt too much. We were a thing for a long time, This isn't necessarily a smut chapter I'm being real. There was this one instance, where we were playing his videogames, and I asked if I could play, Which he shrugged and handed over the controller, after a while of me fooling around in GTA, He pecked my cheek, which made me realize the situation that was going to happen. He of course trailed his hands other than the sexy bits, nibbling my shoulders and talking in a low voice if this was okay, skip forward a little and we are done. Everything was enjoyable and kisses were shared. Usually I'd dress myself and leave for bed in the next room, but he stopped me, spun me around and kissed me, all with his own intent, nothing sexual, but a meaningful kiss that lasted like forever to me. He then told me 'I love you, g'night' The I love and goodnight was nothing new it just felt like the world was a lot brighter you know? He kissed me during and after our actions and I felt like I mattered, that I was loveable, and able to feel constant happiness.

Until we were broken apart, leaving me back more worse for wear, depressed with an aching heart full of memories, shattered future dreams, and feeling. Now nothing beyond myself mattered anymore, everything was grey and had no purpose.

I was then blamed twice for doing somrthing I didn't even do, the first of having sex with an adult, and the second conducting a sex website, cult and planning to kill them. That had dulled me even more, I could have a gun pointed to me head and told I would die if I disobeyed, and I'd still do it, cause dying to me was way better than being in a situation that I have never even done. Dealing with all of the scars alone, and not trusting anyone to heal them along with me because I feel like a burden, the desperation for sex not for pleasure, but to have done what my first had done for me out of love, forget reality and forget the pain of being alive with this much around me.  His affections had been the best things I have ever experienced, and I would even give up sleep to please him, he didn't force anything unto me, but I did because I wanted to be a good girlfriend to him. Guess I just wasn't good enough, like always. I don't even have an ideal figure. I'm fat, ugly, have little curves, and no huge butt that boys are craving. For better words disgusting, a thing that stares back at me in the mirror every morning, a waste of time and space.

It's really hard to love myself, when I feel nothing for anything anymore, even for things I know I love.