Five Feet Apart - How it Continues

Chapter 2

WILL

Another day has passed by without Stella's gloved hand holding mine. I moved back into my mother's house, because the treatment wasn't working anyway. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I did not leave at all because the medi-cation did not work. I left because Stella can't get a life with me in it. It has always been that way.
That was clear from day one.
We are not meant for each other. We cannot give each other what we deserve.I still need to take meds unfortunately, but there's no way I'll be recovering from B. Cepacia.

That's why I took Stella's old-fashioned idea of making a todo-list. My plan is to do everything that is on my list before this year ends, so I – hopefully – can be sure that I've done everything that I want to do before I die.

I stare at the page of my notebook and tighten my grib around my pencil. I've written down a few things already like travelling around the world, make sure that I take my meds every day and make an entire comic-book about everything that I'll do in the restaining part of my life. I smile when I see Stella in front of me. Sweat after our training session. She told me her todo list and I told mine - which she laughed at completely. I am surprised that the majority has changed.

My life has changed.

And that is all because of her. Stella. The sweet and spicy Stella. That smile. Her smile when I pronounced Bob Ross' name gives me so much satisfaction. I don't regret my choice. She is safe and will get her life. That life she wanted from day one.

My phone beebs and I drop my pencil. It's Stella...

She tries calling me every day, but I never pick up. I don't pick up this time either, so I let my phone jump onto voicemail. It is better to break the contact so that we are not tempted to see each other. Or maybe less than five steps apart.
That is too dangerous.

Too risky.

I glance at number two on my todo-list: Have the currage to pick up my phone when Stella calls.

I don't know if I'll ever dare to pick up. I don't want her to miss me in any possible way. I want her to forget me, eventhough I also want her to remember me.
She deserves her life. She deserves a boy who can touch her without causing problems. Jealousy bubbles up in my chest at the thought that Stella walks hand in hand with a boy who is not me.
I spit a mucus of slime and let it slip out of my mouth into my mother's favorite planter that she has placed next to my desk, so that there is something green in my room. Ohh, I'd like to see her face if she finds it that way.

I hear the voice-mail cutting out and decide to listen to what she has to say.

"Will, why aren't you picking up your phone?" She sounds like she's been crying, her voice rough and it breaks with every word that she says. "Anyway, I thought you'd like to know that I'm moving out of the hospital and that I'll have lots of time off since I'm not going back to school yet. I was hoping that you – maybe – would like to call or face-time when I'm back home. I'm dying to know how you're doing. Well..." She stays silent for a few second and I hear a sigh. "... call me."

The voice-mail cuts out and Stella's beautiful voice gets erased from my phone automaticly. I close my eyes and lean with my head on my desk. The tubes in my nose are – kind of – in the way, but I've been needing them more to breath lately. It's like my lungs are working worse than before.

I sigh, followed by a painful cough.

I get what Stella is saying, about wanting to talk to me. But talking with her would make me want to see her even more. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I can't bear talking to her and needing to stay away from her at the same time. I just really can't, we must keep living and going on without each other.

We must both forget.