Only to Feel This Fully [Completed]

Ch. 20: The Moon and the Sky

A few months ago, the idea that I'd willingly go to Tate's house with no party scheduled would have seemed absurd, but the intervening period has brought a lot of changes, including this new Tate, or at least a new perspective on the fuck boy, courtesy of Julia. Julia appeared happy in a way I'd never seen before when she's with him and that was all that mattered.

Rather than a large party, this was just a small pregame before a party hosted by a junior from Saint Sebastian, but there would be a strong Pine Wood contingent as well. Theo, who made everything better, was by my side. Patrick, Eva, Nolan, and Jude had been invited to the pregame as well. Tate hadn't invited his friends so that only people that knew about Theo and I would be there, which I found gratifyingly considerate. We would have to keep some modicum of distance once at the party, so it was nice to minimize that period as much as possible.

Tate Morgan's pregames were a bit more high-end than our normal pre-party get-togethers. The usual vodka and Powerade and Natty Lights were replaced by Mr. Morgan's whiskey stash and IPAs. Patrick, with Eva half on his lap, appeared more content than I'd ever seen him in my life. About halfway through Theo mirrored their positioning with me, apparently in mockery. However, when Eva got fully on top of Patrick's lap as if to challenge us, Theo did the same before I even realized. Both actions elicited a loud reaction from the others. Jude and Tate hit it off, which should have surprised no one really, but it still earned some teasing.

More than once, Patrick expressed a desire to stay in and just "chill" instead of even going to the party, but that earned a round of negative replies from everyone else, his girlfriend and even Theo, a notorious homebody, as I'd learned over these past few weeks. It appeared everyone had a strong desire to get out tonight. All was going well until Eva brought up Diane's Valentine's solicitation.

"Wait, what?" Theo almost spat out his drink in confusion.

"Yeah, didn't Charlie tell you? This girl Diane from our year asked your boyfriend out. God, he was so clumsy trying to say no in a nice way. Poor girl just couldn't get the hint."

"You never told me that, Charlie," Theo directed, giving the impression that he felt betrayed by my omission. He was getting a little tipsy now because the accent was becoming more pronounced on my name. Shar-lee.

"It happened that Friday we went to the lakehouse. I didn't want to spoil the mood for our weekend."

"And what's your excuse for the rest of these last two weeks?"

"I forgot, honestly. Really, does it even matter? I'm gay, in case you'd forgotten since last Sunday." The words came out of my mouth confident, but this was the largest crowd I'd ever uttered that declaration to and I very suddenly became very self-conscious about it.

"Ew, gross, dude, we don't need to hear that!" Jude exclaimed, earning a groan from the rest of the group and an elbow to each of his sides from Nolan and Tate. The group conversation quickly changed topics as no one cared to dwell on that last part. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Theo was still stewing a bit, but I was thankful to Jude for his inadvertent distraction.

"Hey, T, are you really mad? Honestly, I didn't tell you because I didn't think it'd matter?"

"I guess you're right. I just don't like the idea that any girl can just go up and ask you out because we're not public."

"I know it sucks, but we're having fun now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, you're right," Theo put a lot of forced enthusiasm into that statement and turned his attention back to the group, who were discussing whether or not Riverdale was so-good-it's-bad or just bad.