is that what we call happiness ?

11 years ago

A sound coming from your window woke you up, a shiver running down your spine. You looked at the time, it was almost midnight. You could feel fear grow in you but another sound made you turn around towards the window. However, the growing tension in your chest soon disappeared when you recognized Namjoon looking at you from outside. You got up hurriedly to open the window without a sound, pulling him inside.

"What are you doing here ?!" you whispered, closing the window behind him while he took his shoes off.

"My parents."

You nodded as you turned on your fairy lights, lightning your room softly, just enough for you to make out Namjoon's features.

"It's late though," you whispered as you went back to your bed, Namjoon lying down next to you.

"I couldn't sleep. I was upset."

You stayed quiet, staring at the ceiling. Namjoon's warm presence next to you soothed you, his calm breath echoing in the room.

"Y/N ?"

You hummed, keeping your eyes on the ceiling. He seemed to hesitate but it didn't last long.

"Do you sometimes," he started and for some reason, you thought his voice sounded vulnerable, "Do you sometimes cry yourself to sleep ?" he finished quietly.

You turned your face towards him and you locked eyes with him, your breaths in sync. You gazed at each other for a few seconds, no one saying anything in the calm of the room.

"Yeah, I do," you whispered, still looking deep into his eyes.

He gulped and it seemed it was difficult for him. You never cried, he was still sure of this, even after years of knowing you. That's probably why it left a foreign sting in his heart. This was new.

He was too quiet. You wondered if he felt like crying at this moment. You took his hand, intertwining your fingers together.

"I do too."

He looked back at the ceiling while you studied his side profile, feeling a lump in your throat. It felt weird to know he sometimes cried himself to sleep —but it probably felt weird for him to know about you too.

"Aren't you happy ?" he asked after a moment and you took a second to think.

"I don't know. I don't even know why I cry, I don't have any particular reason. I just feel like crying."

He nodded and you looked back at the ceiling as well.

"And you ? Are you happy ?" you asked as he pressed your hand in his.

"I don't know either. I'm not even sure what happiness is."

You didn't say anything, because you felt like there wasn't much to say.

"Sometimes, life is tiring. And I feel like I won't be strong enough to overcome those times," you started, your voice not sounding confident, "But sometimes, life is so beautiful too. And in those moments, I feel like I could fly."

He was gazing at you, unsure if he should say something.

"I guess it's what every teenager go through," he eventually said quietly, and you looked at him, biting your lip. "But you know, when you feel tired, you can just come to me. I'll always be there to comfort you."

You nodded, your eyes locked together. It felt like a promise for some reason.

"Life isn't tiring right now though," you whispered, "It's rather beautiful."

He smiled a little, showing his dimple. He let a silence settle for a few seconds before talking.

"Life is always beautiful when I'm with you."

You closed your eyes, a smile on your lips. He was right. Life was always beautiful when you were together.

A moment later, you were falling asleep next to him, your fingers still intertwined and your breaths still in sync.

And it wasn't the first time you were having these kind of talks, but it surely was the first time you were so vulnerable with each other. It felt new, but it felt good. It felt good to know he would always be there for you.

It felt good to know you'd never be alone, because you had him.