HIDING - every scar has a story

34. How to live.

{Cary}

Leonard was sitting at the picnic table in the smoke pit when Cary climbed out of the ravine. Cary glanced around. There were no other kids out and Leonard didn't have a cigarette. He smiled as Cary crossed the concrete, but he looked sad and distracted.

"Hey, Cary."

Cary closed his fingers on the cuffs of his jacket. His cuts prickled, clotting and closing. "Hey." His voice was husky from crying. "What are you doing out here?"

"Watching," Leonard said.

Cary frowned. After a minute, he sat on the bench beside Leonard. He still felt naked, like he wasn't wearing his jacket even though he was. He took his cigarettes out and lit up for something to do. The scribbled lines he'd made on his palm looked black in the fading light. He closed his fingers, hearing the hurt sound Jesus made when he saw his hand—the Jesus in Jon's Bible. The Jesus Pete prayed to. He felt like the ground had shifted and everything was oddly unfamiliar from this new angle. Jesus was real.

It was purple and dusky when Cary and Leonard heard laughter floating up from the ravine. Leonard stirred, like this was what he'd been waiting for. A handful of kids emerged out of the dark, staggering out of the bushes and into the street light. The biggest guy had his arm slung over the girl next to him, walking so close to her they were one shape in the dim light. Karmin. Her hand was a white shape splayed on his body, steadying herself as she walked.

Leonard got up. "'Kay, let's go in."

Cary looked from Leonard to the approaching kids. He stubbed out his cigarette and followed him back to their rooms.

When the door was shut Cary shucked off his jacket and tossed it under the bed. Leonard's face was wrinkled like he might cry. "He's not good for her." He sighed deeply.

Cary didn't know what to say to make him feel better. He guessed quit caring so much wouldn't work on Leonard.

His phone and the drawings were neatly on the pillow where he'd left them. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the names he'd written. His heart beat slow and steady in his chest, pushing his blood around his body to feed and mend all the broken parts.

He was still alive to give a shit. He wasn't sure what to do with himself since it basically hurt every day to be him. Maybe seeing Jesus changed something about that. Maybe it didn't.

"Did you have supper?" Leonard asked after a moment.

Cary shook his head.

Leonard's smile was back. "Ha, thought so." He lifted the pillow off his bed and produced a danish and an apple streusel, wrapped in a napkin and only slightly smashed. "Saved these for you."

A laugh puffed out before Cary knew it. "You're something Leonard."

Leonard slid back into the corner of his bed, a pleased smirk on his round face. Cary ate every crumb of the supper, and licked the sugar off his fingers when he was done.

He was stretched on his bunk, a hand behind his head when another kid rapped on their open door. "I'm looking for a kid named Care?"

Cary just gave him a blank look. Leonard smiled and said, "Yeah, this is him."

The kid jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Mike's outside for you."

Cary frowned and got to his feet. What the hell was Mike doing here?

Cary came out the front doors of the shelter, blinking in the dark. Mike was a hulking shape leaning against the bus stop sign. Cary stepped into the circle of light thrown by the street lamp above them and crossed his arms. "It's Cary," he said flatly. "'Care' is not a name. It's a thing you do."