Submitting

Dance

The wallpaper looked interesting. The small little flowers with thin tendrils wrapping and reaching out to the other flowers, sitting against a dark green background. A little faded out, a little unnoticeable until someone looks at them, really looks at them. Maybe because they are bored, maybe because they are a keen observer of the surroundings or maybe just because they want a distraction.

His face was so close to mine. The slow warm breath fanning my cheeks inhaling me as if I was a flower, a Rose, held in his arms as we danced to the soft melody echoing in the piano room. His well-fitted black suit against my red satin dress. Rustling, touching, brushing against each other. An arm wound around my waist, hand reaching to the small of my back, another gripped my palm in his. Small baby steps. Left, right, sway, back, front, round. 

The wall. 

The wall is so pretty. So interesting. It should be enough to help me drift away and not be here. Not at this moment. The wall.

"I want to talk to you." Why was I doing this? Why did I have to do this? I kept wondering as  I nodded my head slowly unable to predict that this simple movement of action would make the cold tip of the nose graze against my cheek lightly, eliciting a shiver down my spine. His presence anywhere near me always made me hyperactively alert and tense. This was too close, against my liking. The closest I have been to him after  a long period. 

Ivan has a good habit of interrupting my interactions with Dimitri every time and yet, as the third music came to its end, Ivan was nowhere to be seen. Non-existing, doing what he wants to do with such ease, a privilege I was denied and forgotten. 

"Yes." It wasn't what he was saying. It was what he wanted me to say.

"Yes." A bare whisper escaped my lips which he heard all right as he hummed in approval. 

"It's a funny thing you know. We believe in what we are shown. No matter how bizarre it is, as long as we get the evidence. People never believed and even mocked the Wright brothers when they wanted to fly because humans can't fly. Those people never believed because their minds were constricted to a certain impression that only wings can make them fly. But we don't have wings, we are not born with them. We are not birds." He twirled us slowly, leading us away from the doorway and deeper into the room. Closer and closer to the floor to ceiling glass doors that faced outside to the woods. 

"We will never be. Yet the need to be something or someone else is just so immense. Because we are not happy with what we have now. Wants are unlimited. A Famous economist, Marshall, said that human wants are countless in number and are varied in kind. As soon as one want is satisfied another want takes its place. This endless circle of wants continues throughout life. We will never have enough or be satisfied with what we have. No matter what we do." A few more steps and I would be able to see the sky if I tilted my head backwards. The hiding sun, maybe some birds or even the ashy sky would be enough to satiate the lost touch to the outside world. 

"The point being, we should be happy with what we have and accept things that are out of our reach. You should understand that by now. Some things are just not under our control." He leaned over, dropping me and still holding as my back arched towards the door and there it was, the sky. Dim, bright, ashy sky. So open and aweigh. Endless, never-ending, free and out of reach.

He pulled me back up again, the light in my eyes gone as I was met with dark pools of green. I didn't dare breathe as he somehow moved closer to me than he already was, consuming my senses, blurring my vision with overwhelm. The warmth searing me as his lips met mine, slowly and gently like I was one of those clouds that will vanish away any moment now. 

I frowned visibly. What he does and what he wants was way beyond my understanding. He said he loved Liza and asked for her forgiveness for something and yet here he was, kissing me softly as if trying to savour something so rare and romantic. Who does he love? Who does he actually want?

The urge to ask him straight away, without any conceit was immense but the frown I would receive upon me would be far dangerous, something I won't be able to dodge. 

He didn't receive a return of his gesture but left us both breathless. My head spun from the lack of oxygen, I couldn't help but lean onto him while he did the same. Our foreheads touched and eyes were closed. His warm minty breath fanning me and my lips. Heart racing a mile per second.

I wonder if I would have smiled or felt whole if I loved him. How would that feel like?

We stood there for a long moment. Ivan not yet in sight. A strange occurrence which almost never happened. He was like a sticky tag that always stuck to Dimitri against his willingness. My captor wasn't as fond of him as most siblings should be but yet he decided to bring him here to help him with me? With Liza? I hardly doubt that he makes things easier for him. I have noticed how Dimitri suppresses his anger whenever he catches me alone with him.

"I will never do anything to harm you. I will never try anything without your consent and in return all I ask for you is to understand the fact that whatever I did is for your own benefit." 

With that he left the room in a quick swish of movement like he was never there, leaving me in a certain cloud of chill that I didn't like at all. 

****

Ivan was a no show for the rest of the night.

Dimitri was in his office with the door closed as the dark hallway had the only source of illumination from the reflection of light escaping from the slit at the bottom of the door. The wind knocked outside on the window as a becoming storm seemed to be on its way here. They must've kept the heater on as the warm air made my attire of a nightgown wearable in such a weather. Socks would have been nice because of the cold hardwood floors that creaked very quietly underneath every time I took a step forwards towards the kitchen.

I don't know what I was doing, but I knew I shouldn't be doing this. The restless part of me made it impossible for me to stay in bed as an ache in my stomach settled from anxious curiosity. I wanted to know if Liza was okay. I wanted to see her, but the door on the stairs was shut and hidden in a way I couldn't yet figure out. There was no hidden lever or key or even a button that I could find in that empty staircase except for that huge glass window and a dim clouded moon outside. 

Disappointed and lost, I couldn't do anything but walk to the kitchen to have a glass of water when I should actually be in bed. My last endeavour must have made me too confident and daring as I didn't much care about keeping the still silence in the air. Water poured in heavy gushes inside the glass tumbler and quickly overflowed while I carelessly let it and then shut the tap after a while. 

A few sips and it was enough. The rest dumped into the sink. The tumbler carelessly placed on the counter creating quite some noise, very unlikely of me. I was creating attention which wasn't going to go unnoticed.