THE MAD MAMMOTH

Chapter 8-Just a Girl!

"Waoh! How barbaric! So what happens to the man a woman is caught committing adultery with?" Tade asked.

"Nothing!"

"Nothing?"

"Absolutely nothing. He goes home, apologizes to his wife, she accepts his apology and he gets on with his life while the woman he committed adultery with is an outcast for life. Most of the time the women ends up leaving town due to the associated disgrace. One of the women, I recall her clearly, named Awero; a short, fair skinned woman ended up committing suicide. It was after her death that the midwife revealed she was pregnant all the while. Meanwhile nothing happens to the man! In the case of a particular man, Mr. Saliu, he was caught on two separate occasions with two different women. The two women did the shameful walk while he continued with his life. His wife was even insulted for not keeping her man at home but Mr. Saliu suffered no consequences. He later became a chief!"

"All of this sounds unbelievable. So you mean he ruined the life of two women then went on to become a chief?"

"Exactly. That's the extent of the double-standard in the society we live in. A woman is never forgiven for immorality while a man can be forgiven as many times as he commits the sin.

"There is something else; in the course of our marriage, being an extended family oriented man, Tunji is always quick to invite the family members to settle our big misunderstandings. In my twenty-one years of marriage to him, I observed that no matter who is wrong, I get blamed. The wife always gets blamed! She is either not doing enough or she is doing too much. When I offend him, I get blamed. When he offends me, I get blamed. For any issues in my marriage, his family members blame me and my family members blame me as well! It doesn't matter what the issue is, a man gets a light scolding for misbehavior while a woman gets all the blame because in my side, the success of the marriage is a woman's responsibility, her sole responsibility! The man cheats on her and she is blamed; she must be doing something wrong for her husband to be cheating on her and she is definitely failing in her duties. Right from childhood the man is spoilt and pampered and trained to believe he can get away with anything, the society made him that way, the society is responsible for it all, including the women in it who have allowed it to be so!"

"It's almost like they are saying men's lives have more value than that of the women." Tade said.

"Oh that is the reality. In my culture, men are more important than women. Women are there just to make the men happy and produce children. Meanwhile the women have to smile through it all and pretend that everything is alright!"

From the time Tolani was a little girl, she knew there was a difference between being born a girl and being born a boy. They were not equals as the yoruba society made you aware very early in life. Tolani was born in 1974, the second child in a family of six children. Her father was a University graduate, a banker; one of the most educated men in his town at the time while her mother was a secondary school dropout and a trader. If there was one thing her father did for all his children, it was that he sent them all to good schools and made sure they had the very best education, but the equality ended there. The Iges were blessed with a boy before Tolani, two girls after her and two boys after them. At the birth of her female siblings, there was always an aura of disappointment when the announcements were made. People came to welcome the newborn quite alright but there wasn't much enthusiasm. Before Tolani, her brother Omokorede was born on 16th January 1973, Tolani was born on 23rd February 1974, her sisters Kanyinsola and Eniola were born 15th April 1976 and 20th June 1978 respectively, her brother Okanlawon was born on 28th May 1980 and finally her brother Omojuwon was born on 2nd November 1981. At the birth of Kanyinsola and Eniola, Tolani witnessed how people reacted and she was quite confused. Some people got to the Iges' residence at Agbo Oba road Ilorin Kwara state before discovering the baby was a girl. Tolani noticed the change from the excited "Boy or girl?" question to the "Oh, Okay," on realizing it was a girl. Some of the visitors were quite vocal. Tolani heard phrases like "What a pity, I really thought she would have been a boy", "Oh, it's just a girl!' "I feel so sorry for her," "The husband must be so disappointed." And so it was that on the eight day the baby was named in a very bland ceremony; people came and left quite sober at the end of the naming.

After witnessing the naming of her two sisters, Tolani thought that was how naming ceremonies were carried out without much excitement until her brother Okanlawon was born. There was a crowd of people gathered in their house made up of relatives who had come in since the day before as soon as they got information that Dolapo Ige, Tolani's mother was in labour. They had slept in the Ige's house, eagerly awaiting the baby's birth. The drama started when one of her uncles, Uncle Gbade, her father's cousin rushed in from the hospital to announce to an eagerly waiting crowd of people in the house that the baby had been born and it was a boy! There was loud shouting and jubilation in their moderate living room. Some of the occupants ran outside to break the news to neighbors and other relatives. Tolani was seated at the dining table with Kanyinsola and Eniola. Omokorede had followed their father to the hospital to witness the birth of the baby. Her mother's younger sister Aunty Mosunmola had asked them to sit and wait for her to dish the yam porridge she had just finished cooking for them when Uncle Gbade rushed in. In the excitement that followed, Mosunmola forgot about the food and the kids waiting for it as she rushed out to celebrate the birth of the baby boy with the others. She forgot completely about feeding the young girls until much later that evening. On the day of the naming ceremony, the party was one of a kind. Two large cows were killed and the who-is-who of the town were in their house. The celebration lasted for three days. At a point Tolani couldn't help asking her Aunt Mosunmola what was so different about the birth of this baby.

"It's a boy, Tolani. You can't compare it with the birth of a girl, don't you know that?"

"Why can't I compare it?"

"Oh leave me alone girl, you ask too many questions." She

told her as she walked away.

The same joy was displayed two years later at the birth of Olajuwon.