Bon Appétit

Epilogue- Ebeneezer Goode (The Shamen)

Sick of running a workhouse and dealing with disobedient wretchery on the daily, Katy Perry opened the first ever Nando's with Noel Fielding, sharing their love of Mexican food with the rest of ol' London Town. 

It was built on the ruins of the old Brothel / Broth-el, as a tribute to the sacrifices made along the way. Among the rubble, Noel could've sworn he saw a lone javelin laying in the dirt.

The first Nando's became famous for its signature dish "Katy Perri Perri Chicken," prompting Katy to change her name and immortalising her legend status. To show his equal enthusiasm, Noel changed his name to "Nando Fielding" and the pair got married later that day. 

Nigel ordained the marriage, as he did some light bishop-ery as a hobby, and then performed an improvised breakdance routine before Katy had to tell him to go and sit down.

Jay Rayner continued his work as a food critic, appearing regularly on Masterchef, and running the London Javelin Society as a niche side project. Legally, this time.

After William Heritage's sudden death— he was ambushed by the same gang of alley rats that had shanked up Nigel's father— his son George took over the family business. He remained celibate ever since the brothel incident, and was haunted by daily flashbacks.

So there you have it, this timeless tale. Tell it to your friends, share it with your enemies, start a petition to get Nando's to print it on every menu. The world shows its gratitude to Eddie, Henry, and the love that unites us all.

"For never was a story of more regret,

Than this of Henry and his beloved Ed,"

— William Shakespeare.

The End

Acclaim for "Bon Appétit" —

"I have never before read a book so moving, and so masterfully-written. The definition of a modern classic." — Jay Rayner, for The Guardian.

""Bon Appétit" is not just a book; it is a lifestyle, a gospel, a reason to breathe." — Ed Sheeran.

"Without "Bon Appétit," the world would never know true literature. If it were not for the startling descriptions of workhouse brutality, I would have never gone on to write "Oliver Twist.""  — Charles Dickens, from his memoirs. 

"This book was so divine that it caused my son to spontaneously resurrect." — God.