A World Apart

A Painful Determination

I was completely crushed. My very heart and soul hurting beyond what any words could explain. I missed Jake and I needed him back. It'd been three days now since we'd fought at the hospital and he'd ended our relationship, and I'd spent every single minute since then, locked in my room, curtains drawn over the windows as I hid from the outside world. The only things that I'd done since locking my door behind me that day, were ordering take-out and calling the hospital and ask after Gillian. Initially, they were reluctant to give me anything, but my persistence and the casual name drop of a powerful family friend soon gave me enough insight to know that she'd suffered a horrible beating. A couple of cracked ribs, a concussion and a broken wrist were thankfully the worst of it, and she was soon to be released.

I was furious that her husband had once again gotten away with the damage that he'd caused, and I was worried for poor Tina. Seeing her mom hurt like that was bound to be traumatic for her. I wanted to see them both, to make sure that they were alright and that they weren't still in danger. But the chance of bumping into Jake again was too high, and I couldn't bear to hear him telling me to leave again.

A persistent knock sounded on the living room door. Groaning, I rolled over in bed, an empty pizza box falling to the floor with a crash, as I buried my head in the pillow, tugging the duvet up over my head. It sounded again, this time louder.

"Go away!" I shouted, my voice muffled against my bedding.

I paused to listen and there was silence. Letting out a satisfied sigh, I snuggled down in bed and closed my eyes, ready to surrender to sleep for the third time today.

"No way are you going back to sleep right now," Came a sarcastic voice in the doorway of my room.

I jolted up in shock, throwing the covers off me. I knew that voice. It'd been so long since I'd last heard it.

"Dana?" I gasped, feeling tears spill out of my puffy eyes at the sight of my older sister.

"Hey, Care," She said with a bright smile.

For the first time in days, I wanted to get out of bed. I crossed the room in a flash, my sister's arms wrapping around me as soon as I reached her.

"It's okay, Sis. I'm here," She said soothingly, whilst I cried against her shoulder.

Dana wasted no time in restoring order. She threw the curtains back, practically shoving me into the bathroom for a shower, then pressed on, emptying the rubbish from my bedroom and clearing up the apartment. Once it was back to normal, she made us both a mug of tea and joined me on the sofa.

It was strange to see her again. But so wonderful. She looked a little different since she'd last been home, her skin was a shade bronzer, clearly agreeing with the warm Italian weather and her hair had grown down past her shoulders now, set in delicate waves and scattered with soft, golden highlights.

"Mom and Dad are worried about you," She said after a short pause. "They said you haven't been outside in days, won't answer the door or your phone."

"That didn't seem to stop you," I shrugged.

"I have a key, and I'm not as afraid to invade your privacy as much as they are."

"It's a good thing that I don't mind then... this time at least," I smiled, crossing my legs and leaning back against the cushions, my mug cradled in my hands.

"What happened, Care?"

I could feel my emotions bubbling back up again, threatening to drag me back into darkness. I wasn't sure if I could even bear to say it. To explain what had happened.

"They also told me you met a guy?"

Her tone suggested that she knew a lot more than she was letting on, and I couldn't help but think she was more aware of the reason for my recent behaviour than I'd initially thought.

"He dumped me," I croaked.

Dana gave me a sympathetic smile, her hand reaching over and taking mine, squeezing it lightly before she then sighed.

"He's an idiot then."

I knew that she was trying to be kind, to say the right thing that would make me feel less crushed and devastated. But to call him an idiot wasn't it. It was a far cry from the truth, and there was no escaping the fact that even though he'd dealt me such a crushing blow, I knew why he'd done it, and I knew that it wasn't from a place of cruelty, it was from a place of pain and unhealed wounds.

"No, he's not," I muttered, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, refusing to allow any more tears to fall from my red and puffy eyes.

"Care, if he can't see that you are worth holding onto, then yes, he is," Dana shrugged.

I didn't feel like arguing the point further, so I tuned out, staring into the depths of my mug as she continued her attempts to fix my down-in-the-dumps attitude.

"... Then you can move on, leave the past in the past and forget about all this."

"What was that?" I asked, having been brought back out of my reverie by her latest words.

"What was what?"

"What you were saying about moving on," I replied hurriedly.

"I said, we all just need to accept that some things are out of our control, we do what we can and then move on. Only then can you start to heal from each experience and leave your baggage in the past," She repeated.

Her words struck deep on a multitude of levels, sparking a bunch of thoughts all at once. So many things had been out of my control lately but had I really done what I could about any of them. Had I really tried? I'd never before been someone who gave up easily. I was someone who went after what they wanted and I didn't give up until I got it. Meeting Jake had taught me so many things, but out of respect for his choices, I'd surrendered that determination, and in order to move on, I had to get it back. I had to act now, try now. It was time to give everything one last push, then if I had to walk away, I could do it knowing that I'd given it my all. That I hadn't just given up and let everything fall apart.

I got to my feet, tugging at the belt of my robe.

"Care?" Dana said questioningly.

I didn't answer, darting back to my room to change. I knew what I needed to do, and I didn't have much time to pull it all off. For better or for worse, I needed to do this.