Heirs of the Gods

Ch 53: The only way out is through

Aedion lapsed them back into the palace. Belatedly, Ella realised they were in her room.

Unable to hold herself up any longer, she collapsed on the ground, curling up. Breathing was like trying to catch sand through open fingers. No air was enough, it didn't seem to fill up her lungs. No matter how hard she gasped and sucked air into her mouth, her lungs were in a vice grip, crushed.

Am I dying? Are my lungs punctured? My heart is squeezing tightly, I can't breathe. Maybe the rowan arrows punctured my lungs.

Aedion kneeled beside her, running a hand over her back in smooth, firm circles. "You aren't dying, you're just having a hard time breathing. Your lungs are fine and so is your heart, you weren't hit by anything."

Had she spoken out loud? She hadn't even realised.

"No, I'm dying-- I can't breathe," she gasped. "My heart is failing."

"No, it's not." He grabbed her hand gently, placing it on her chest. "Do you feel this? It's your heart, it's beating just fine. You're not dying, there's no blood, see?"

Ella nodded tightly, squeezing her eyes shut. There was no blood, she wasn't hurt. Her chest beat uncomfortably quick, but it wasn't hurt.

"You're alive. You just need to breathe. Focus on my voice, alright? I'm going to count to four, and you're going to breathe in." His voice was calm and gentle, reassuring. 1...2...3....4. Ella breathed in.

"Now, hold it in." Seconds stretched out as she felt her lungs fill and expand, chest rising beneath her hands. "Now, exhale deeply. Good. Let's do it again."

She let herself be guided by his slow drawl—deep, smooth and firm—and the gentle, rhythmic circles he rubbed on her back. Inhale, hold, exhale. In and out. In and out.

Slowly, her heart began to calm down, coming back down from that ledge. Even pitter-patters beneath her fingers and slow, deep breaths that filled her lungs.

But the panic subsiding only gave way to the horror of her actions. The inevitable consequences.

She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, feeling her eyes burning and prickling, her stomach churning painfully.

"Oh, I shouldn't have done that," she rasped out. "I almost killed him. I could have--" She shook her head, covering her face with her hands, pressing hard on her eyelids. "How could I have done that? To my own brother."

Aedion rubbed her back soothingly. "You didn't want to kill him. It got out of hand, but you didn't intend to hurt him."

"But I still hurt him! What kind of sane person tries to choke their brother? I almost snapped his neck!"

"But you didn't."

Ella couldn't believe her ears. He was speaking as if she'd merely made a silly little mistake. Like a child who'd lashed out and pulled on her sibling's hair. She'd nearly done him in!

"Why are you so calm!" Ella's bottom lip wobbled, gripping her fists so tightly that her nails cut into the skin. "I should have been able to control myself! I snapped!"

"What did you expect?" Aedion said calmly, leaning his back against the sofa and sitting beside her on the floor. "You are brand new to an unbelievable amount of power that had been dormant for twenty years. Suddenly, you're thrown headfirst into enough life changes to make anyone go mad—not exactly normal life experiences—and to make matters worse, your brother shows up and starts attacking you, saying things that would make even a priestess curse. You had an outburst, yes, but you stopped yourself. I'm not saying it was fine"—he waved a hand—"I'm saying that you should be a tad less harsh on yourself."